luke hemmings.

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Duke and I hardly spent a second away from one another.

    If I wasn't playing with him, Calum was. He's become super attached and would even fall asleep in my bed just so he didn't have to leave him. I didn't mind considering who would want to leave the sweet little guy?

    It didn't take long for him and Southy to become attached at the hip as well. Crystal and I have taken them both for walks at least twice a day. However, today she couldn't make it so I decided to walk along the beach by myself considering I know how happy it makes him to go on a walk.   

    He always has to meet every single dog we walk by or make sure to get love from absolutely every person that walks by. I don't mind it and neither do they so I let him do his thing.

    As I walk the beach, it seems to be fairly empty today. I contemplated bringing my headphones for the sake of some form of entertainment but decided against it in order to enjoy the beautiful weather of today. I never really went to the beach often unless I was walking Duke. I'm not entirely sure why but I'd like to blame it on the amount of school work I usually have.

    I've always been a huge fan of the beach but now that I live on one, I feel as if I don't take advantage of it enough.

    I even contemplated waking up early to take runs on the beach. I love to run and adding morning routines is nothing foreign to me. It'll be a good way for me to stay in shape and I'm sure I could convince Calum to join me. Especially considering he was very anti my night runs, maybe this will be what it takes to convince him. 

    But I haven't even brought that up yet. Plus, Duke is a walking dog and in no way a running dog. So it'd truly have to be something I'd probably need to pick up on my own.

    I look out at the ocean and notice just how calm it is. However, the water is always calm in North Carolina. It seems as if everything about the state is just calm. I always appreciated that about North Carolina. It seemed to be my escape from the chaos back in Georgia and allowed me a getaway.

    I needed something that wasn't so chaotic all the time and stressful. That was my house growing up. It was never relaxing and always tense. North Carolina finally gave me the chance to relax for the first time in my life.

    Don't get me wrong, there are days I miss my home more than anything. I miss waking up every morning to have a full breakfast laid out for me considering my mom is convinced breakfast is crucial to your day. I miss having everything taken care of for me. And I do miss my brother and parents.

    But I don't miss the standards I'm held up to when I'm home. Or the screaming at my brother every time he came home late into the night. Or even the tears that constantly came from my mom every time he'd relapse or we'd recieve a call that he'd been arrested. Again.

    I get that that must be impossibly hard on a parent. I can't imagine going through the pain my parents go through of having a child who can't be sober for longer than 24 hours. But I wish I wasn't held up to such high standards because of it. I wanted to live and be a teenager too. I never got that chance.

    I try to call them here and there and tell them I'm okay. I know they were terrified of me going to college because they couldn't watch me over my shoulder while I'm here. When I first moved in, I was getting calls practically every day making sure I wasn't drunk or high. Because of this, I was terrified to do either of them.

    It wasn't until I became friends with Calum that I finally allowed myself to have fun. He was absolutely shocked that I had never drank in my life. So he showed me finally how to have a fun time and even was the one to take my virginity.

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