Chapter 15

Aude smiled back at me an unknown love in her eyes as she grazed my body with her stare. Perhaps a lost love in her work and her nephew. A pang of grief flooded through me as I felt this connection between us because I carried the living remnants of her lost family member. Ii carried Cameron. It confounded me how I had been so fickle only a few months ago to treat Cameron as I did and now to torture Johnny with my fluctuating moods and feelings. Imagine carrying your first loves child and finding yourself uncontrollably in love with your brother's friend. Imagine? Pft I'm living it. I'm ashamed in so many ways that I am I pregnant knowing there is so many families out there gasping for a baby, crying over negative pregnancy tests and clinging to their other half for support that they don't know how to give as they are crippled by their own grief for a child they can never have.

"Kira", Johnny chimed as Aude turned back into the house and he unloaded one of our bags from the Jeep. I shot a smile to cover up the deep dark thought flooding my mind as reality swam in fast.

"You are going to have to get your story straight, to figure out how to keep your folks from contacting the police and causing a ruckus. You're not 18 yet. Happy Birthday by the way", He said and moved off into the house.

It was my birthday, of course it was. My world has changed so much how could I think of something like my birthday, who really cared? I sure didn't. A small vibrating echoed into my hip bone as my phone burst into a chorus of girls signing about their love lives. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone to see those dreaded words "Mom <3" twinkling on my screen for what seemed like a lifetime before I could press that pulsating green phone button to which I was rewarded with tears.

"Kira?" a tearful cry came though the speaker. "Are you there?"

"Yes", my words burned though my lips. "I'm so sorry Mom, I swear I didn't mean any of this-"I was cut short by her again.

"Kira come home honey we can deal with this together, I promise we just want you safe.  We can work through this", she wept. I was dumbfounded at her concern, my bones were prepared for hate and rage but I guess I am learning a Mothers love is far from rational in a world very irrational.

"Give me time to figure this out, please. We are safe we are with Cameron family away from home so we can work through this to make it as painless as possible for us all", I pleaded.

"How can I possibly just let you stay where you are, wherever that is? What are you doing with Johnny of all people, what is going on Kira. I know this is a hard time with Cameron passing but you can't just run from your problems and leave us here!", sadness soon turned to the expected anger, I fought the urge to sigh, this was new to her but I felt this was far from new for me, this conversation had been had many times in my mind.

"Kira I swear on all that is holy if you don't come home I will ring the police and you WILL come home. Please, just don't do this", She growled.

"Mother, give me this. My life is crumbling around me I don't know right from left and I sure don't know what to say. We have money, we have shelter, and the only thing we don't have is a plan. I am going to dispose of this phone but I will call you once a week to keep you updated. When the time is right I will tell you where I am because I want you guys in my life, you are my family at the end of the day. Just understand the turmoil I am in. I am doing this for us all." I breathed.

"Keep this phone, do not cut my contact with you. I will give you a week Kira, a week to figure this out. We want to be involved with you there or we want you home.  One or the other, you are breaking my heart girl. Please keep in touch I don't want to have to ring the police. Keep safe, happy birthday and I love you, you know that right!" She chocked up and the line went dead.

What was this, did I manage to convince her to give me time.  I can only imagine what is going on in her head right now and what my Brother was thinking. Shit, literally that is all I can think is shit. I feel like a bad TV show, it's so much drama. Maybe I was wrong to run from my problems but I felt as though I was in the right but I suppose those in the wrong always feel right. I stood in the same place I have been frozen for the past couple of minutes which involved so much change. Aude, my Mother, Johnny and the baby. My baby. I swallowed. The aching I feel, a constant grief. It is almost unbearable.

"Kira?" Johnny again. "If I have to call you much more today I'm going to lose my mind", He snapped. I lifted the phone from my side and his eyes grew in size and I could feel the panic rising in him. "So?"

"No police, yet. We have a week to figure this all out and involve my family be it here in Texas or back in Boston", He breathed a sigh of relief.

"That we can handle", He said moving down the steps towards me. As his long hands moved towards my arm I fought the urge to push him away both physically and emotionally. His warm touch grasped my arm and tugged me back towards the house. "Come on we have to get you moved in", He managed a smile.

"Yes, I supposed we do", I returned his friendly smile. Sometimes the most horrible thought passed my mind regretting Cameron, regretting this baby and wishing Johnny has been my one and only a couple of years ago. I know I'm a horrible person but it happens to the best of us. The fluttering between my hips reminded me Cameron was a good person, someone I loved, and someone I could never regret. As we walked through the front door it felt like the start of something new. The smell of a person's house will forever be a reminder of good times to you and Aude's house had a smell I could never forget, a sweet spiced pumpkin mixed with freshly cut grass. Fabulous. I could hear her rustling in the kitchen as Johnny led me through a floral hall way with three doors to my right and one to the left. Of course I would have to be put into the left door. Johnny turned the creaking handle and the small pokey room was bright and clean and had a small single bed pushed into the right corner beneath an over-sized window. Johnny had put my bag at the end of the bed. "Is this me so?"

"Of course", He laughed pointing to the antique Moses basket in the left corner of the room. Fear boiled through me and Johnny knew as he took the end blanket off the bed and threw it over the basket. "Sorry, he said too much?" I nodded swiftly.

"Are you sleeping in here?" I asked honestly. His eyes hoovered to my stomach without meaning offense and shook his head signalling no. Rejection because I'm pregnant, what could I expect our lives were crazy at present we never got to work on what we were never mind if we were going to be anything. Johnny smiled and walked out of the room leaving me in the small, characterless room. I seriously can't help but be overly negative today, to be overly reminiscing but this will be the start of something better and we will get through this. Here is too fun and progress in Texas and a healthy being. 

Bitter Sweet LoveRead this story for FREE!