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Pen Your Pride

Chapter 8 Misunderstood

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Chapter 8

When I got home from the community service I felt very exhausted and quite pissed off. I was not in the mood to talk. I saw mom watching T.V. in the living room.

“Hi hon!  How’s your day? Mom greeted

“good” I answered dryly.

 “By the way hon your dad just called and he wanted to know how you are doing. I said you’re doing fine.” Paliwanag ni mom.

I don’t know, maybe I still had the hangover of what happened earlier or I’ve been keeping this locked up within me the whole time that’s why I asserted, “Why d'you have to tell me? as if he cares.”  in a very sarcastic tone.

Suddenly her face changed, this time with a reprimanding look. “Don’t answer me like that young man! I’m still your mom and he’s till your dad! Your dad only wants what’s best for you.”

“Oh, yeah!? He only wants what he wanted for me not what I want. He doesn’t even know what I want.  He hasn’t been around growing up. The only time I get to see him is during holidays, minsan nga wala pa eh.  How could he know what’s best for me, he doesn’t even know me!” All the ill gotten feelings I have collected for very long time since a child up to this very day has flowed out in an instant. I couldn’t stop myself from pouring out my anger.

 Natigilan si mama sa mga sinabi ko. I saw tears started to collect from her eyes. She didn’t say anything and she was just staring at me. After a moment of silent she just turned her back on me and headed to her room. Her head was down and I could sense she was holding back her tears. Damn it! This time I totally screwed up.  I really felt bad sa mga nasabi ko. I didn’t want to hurt her. I felt guilty but I couldn’t say sorry. I’m not used to saying sorry. Shit! I'm completely an asshole.

Instead of getting into my room I went out. I wanted someone to talk to but who could I talk to.  My tropa? What do they know about this matter, eh inom at puro hapi hapi lang ang alam ng mga yon. Kaya lang kami nag kakasama sama para sa ligaya, endless nights of drinking and partying. What should I expect from them? Nothing! Fuck! I’m a shit. I’m a goddamn dumbass. For the first time in my life I felt so lonely. I don’t know where to go. I wanted to go to a quiet place and drink. So I went to this bar where they played acoustic songs and got myself a couple of bottle of beers.

Since I’ve no one to talk to I let it out my phone and started looking for some one that I could contact para samahan ako. I dialed Arkee's number but it was out of coverage area. Sa inbox nandun pa rin pa pala yung message nung ungas na nakatext ko nung nakaraan. Hindi ko pa rin pala nabubura. I don't know, maybe out of desperation to talk to someone I texted the number, “hey!” but after 5 minutes  no reply. I texted again, “Pwede bang makipagtext mate?” but after a couple of minutes wala pa rin reply. Siguro naiinis na rin ito sa akin the last time na nakatext ko sya. So I just continued to drink my second bottle while listening to the music. The band was playing a song, not really an old song but it sounded good. The song was “Insensitive” by Jann Arden.

How do you numb your skin

After the warmest touch?

How do you slow your blood

After the body rush?

 I was so immersed in the song when my phone rang. It was a text message from that person.

“Himala nagtext ka! Anong crang pagkain ang nakain mo at ikaw naman ngaun ang nag ttxt?”

“Putek ka rin noh! Kaw na nga tong tnxt ko ikaw pa ang nagmmlaki.” Reply ko.

 “Hala! Hala! Hala! Ndi na nga kta tnxt ulit di ba? Kaw pa ang my ganang magalit ngyon. If u dn’t want me txting, Maghanap ka ng ibang katxt! HMP! Gudnyt!” sagot nito.

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