Toshiro sat up in his bed, a cold sweat dripping down his skin. One hand reached up to touch his forehead. He blinked couple of times. His bright teal eyes darted to the door to Rangiku's room. Letting out a sigh his hands dropped to his side and he pushed himself out of the bed and walked over to the door and slid it open. He looked into the room and saw she was still sleeping. After a few minutes he slipped back and pulled his knees up to his chest.
"What is bothering you young master?"
"I dreamed about that time when Ichimaru tried to kill me. The feeling... what I felt that day... it came back."
"Do you mean the anger?"
"No." There came a pause in the boy's thoughts. "No... it's a different kind of feeling."
"No. I never once felt afraid of Ichimaru. I was afraid that Hinamori would die after he told me that I shouldn't have dodged."
"Disappointment? That's the closest feeling I can think of to this feeling I am feeling."
"Why would you be disappointed?"
Toshiro's thoughts paused again. "I shouldn't be feeling that. I've never admired Ichimaru, never looked up to him. I never..."
"For some reason I feel you're having doubts."
"That's just it. I don't understand why I would be having such doubts. The interactions I remember having with him have never been what I would call positive ones. I admit he was awe inspiring, but... there is no reason for me to be awe inspired by him."
"You talk about things you remember and not things you don't. You talk of being awe inspired by him, but not why you would be awe inspired. Let's not forget the fact others have not found him awe inspiring."
Toshiro let out a sigh and leaned back, speaking out loud this time. "You're so frustrating Hyorinmaru."
The door slid open and his eyes darted to see that Rangiku had woken up. "I see you have problems with your zampaktuo."
"Ahh... the problem isn't with Hyorinmaru but myself." The woman slid over and sat by him, causing his cheeks to turn red.
"What's going on in your head this time." When Rangiku didn't receive a response she began to pester him until most of conversation between him and his zampaktuo came out. "So... you dreamed of that day?"
"I don't understand though why it bothers me so much."
"Taicho... how do you feel about Gin being gone, having not come back from the war." The woman watched as the boy froze. "Does it feel like there is an empty hole there?"
Toshiro drew his breath. "There shouldn't be! I have no fond memories of the man that I can remember." He blinked a couple of times. "I forgot to mention the fact Hyorinmaru emphasized memories that I do and don't remember."
"Perhaps there was a good memory and you want them more. That's why." Rangiku went back to bed.