Saturday. Which means no Luke. Luke has pissed me off so much and it actually hurts knowing that he hurts me just because people tell him to.
Which is why I have cut three more times. Leaving at least 70 more cuts all together. Cutting is the only way I can be free and it helps ease the pain.
I cut basically every part of my body. Wrists, thighs, stomach, shoulders. No one knows about the self-harm except for Michael now, and I hope he doesn't tell anyone.
This weekend I'm hoping to just stay at home and do nothing. I don't have any friends to hang out with, except for Michael, but he's too lazy and just lays in bed all day playing video games and eating pizza and I'd rather not go over to his and do the same.
It's 9:30am, and I'm lying in bed on my phone..playing flappy bird. I bet my high score, it's now 4 instead of 3. Just as I was about to update my score to 5, someone knocked on my bedroom door making the bird fly into a damn pipe and fall out of the sky.
"Goddammit", I mumbled to myself.
"Ashton, sweetie, are you awake?", Mum asked from the other side of the door.
I rolled my eyes. "No", I replied.
She slowly opened the door. "No mum, don't come in. I'm naked", I lied not wanting to get out of bed just yet.
She stopped opening the door. "It's nothing I haven't seen before", She replied before walking into my room.
"Eww that's gross", I said as she sat on the side of my bed.
"Hun...you had to come out of somewhere".
I blocked my ears. "Mum, stop! That's...yuck".
She laughed to herself. "Why did you come up here?", I asked her.
"Oh right. Harry wants you to take him to the park for about an hour".
I groaned. "He's 10, can't he go by himself?", I asked.
She shook her head. "Nope. Hurry up, get dressed and take your brother to the damn park, Ashton Fletcher Irwin".
I sighed. "Fine. But if I lose him, don't get pissy at me because you're forcing me to take him and I don't want to".
"Deal", She smiled.
She left my room and I walked over to my wardrobe. I picked out a plain black tee, Green Day hoodie, black skinny jeans and my black converse. I went into my bathroom, I put my black thick-rimmed glasses on, brushed my teeth and headed downstairs to meet Harry.
"Ready to go?", I asked my younger brother.
He nodded. "Yup", Harry simply replied.
"Let's go", I said before we left to the park.
"Ash, James is over there, can I go play basketball with him?", Harry said to me as we arrived at the park.
I nodded. "Sure. I'll sit here if you need me", I replied before he ran off.
I looked around, the park is so peaceful. Tall Oak trees directing the concrete path. Picnic tables with families out for a late breakfast. The elderly observing the ducks in the pond. And children playing with their friends on the playground. I love going to the park to clear my head, or to just get some fresh air, it's nice.
As I was taking in all the scenery, someone came over to me and sat next to me on the park bench. I turned around to face the person and saw Luke.
"For fucks sake", I groaned scooting in the opposite direction on the seat.
"Look Ashton, i'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you", Luke apologised...again.
I stayed silent and ignored him. "How many times do I have to apologise?", Luke asked.
I turned to face him. "Once, Luke, once. But you apologise then do it again. You don't mean your apologies", I replied.
"I do now. And I'm sorry, and I'm never gonna hurt you again, I promise", He looked at me.
"I don't believe you", I replied.
"Please believe me. I mean it this time", He smiled.
"First...why do you bully me?", I asked.
The question I've always wanted to know the answer to.
He sighed. "I-I...umm, I-I...", He stuttered. "I-I...I like you, Ashton".
I froze. "A-As in a friend?", I asked.
He shook his head. "Not exactly. I have a c-crush on you", Luke admitted.
Is this a dream? Am I dead, am I breathing...
"I-If you like me, w-why do you bully me?", I asked.
"Because I'm afraid to admit I'm bi. So I was bullying you to try convince myself that I didn't like you, when I do", He said.
"The note that Calum gave you?", I questioned.
"He told me to give it to you because he couldn't do it himself. I would never tell someone to kill themselves", He said.
"You basically did, you still gave it to me".
"I know, and im so, so sorry", Luke looked into my eyes.
"I don't know what to say...", I said looking at the ground.
He lifted my chin up. "I don't want you to forgive me because I know how serious my mistakes were, but please believe me when I say I'm never gonna hurt you again", He said.
I don't know if I should believe him? He made some serious mistakes and I'm not sure if he'll make anymore. But he does look like he's being serious about everything. I just can't believe that he bullys me, instead of just admitting his feelings. If he was just honest in the first place, none of this would of happened.
I nodded. "I believe you", I said not knowing if I had just made a mistake.
He smiled. "Really?".
"Yes, I believe you Luke", I returned the smile.
He pulled me in for a hug. "Thank you, Ash. I'm never making that mistake again".
"I hope not", I said.
YOU ARE READING
[Ashton Irwin]~Nerd, quiet, shy. His only friend is Michael, Michael Clifford. Ashton isn't exactly the most 'popular' student at school, which is why he gets picked on and bullied quite a lot. [Luke Hemmings]~Popular, confident, hot, outgoing. Luk...