My Chemical Romance: After Danger Days: The Lost Love of Gerard Way

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 ~~A/N: Note that this is purely fiction, nothing in this happened. Zoey is made up. Enjoy :)

May death never stop you. May death never part you. They said it would be fun. They said that it won’t end. They said it was a roller coaster, that as you climbed the top, the anxiety would build and build, until you stop, then diminish as you went down, only to go around again. But that wasn’t the case. I never came down. I kept going up. And up and up. Until I stopped, at the top, and never came down.

He did, though. After he got to the top, he got down. It wasn’t the way you’d think though. He didn’t want to go down. He didn’t want to leave me, but he had no choice. He couldn’t just leave like I did. He had people to look out for, responsibilities. He had a purpose in life, I really didn’t. My only purpose was to be there for him.

So, they were wrong. Death did stop us. Death did part us. I died. He lived. End of story. Right? Well, not really.

I love Gerard. Present tense. I still love him. I can’t stop loving him. All I wanted was for him to live, and be happy. But he isn’t. He hasn’t been since that day. He’s sober now, so that’s good. He’s married and has a daughter, Bandit. But he isn’t happy. That’s why My Chemical Romance disband. He wasn’t happy.

I wish I could tell him that it’s all okay. That he needs to move on, forget about me. But I know he can’t. I've watched him try to move on and forget, but truth be told...he just simply can't. He still loves me. Yea, he loves Lyn-Z, but not in the way he still loves me. And everytime I look at him, I see the pain in his eyes. The dispair, the agony, the misery. And everytime he looks at her, I can tell he's wishing it was me.

“Gerard…” I whispered softly as I looked into his broken eyes. He’s thinking about it again. I can always tell, when he’s thinking about joining me.

He just looked blankly ahead. He had a bottle of vodka in front of him and sleeping pills in his hands. Bandit is at his parents’ house, and Lyn-Z is on tour. He’s all alone. No one to stop him.

He looked down at the bottle in his hands. He cracked it open, pouring five pills into his hand. He gazed upon the blue, oval shaped tablets in his right hand.

A tear slipped down his face. “Why…why…?” He asked, his voice catching in his throat. “Why did you have to fucking die?”

Well, I didn’t want to exactly die. I kinda had no choice. Well, I had the choice to hold on, but who was I kidding? I couldn’t’ve held on if I wanted to. I was so far gone by the time Gerard and I got to the ICU. The blood pumping through my veins hadn’t been blood by that point; it had been booze and caffeine.

Gerard popped one capsule in his mouth.

“Gerard, don’t!” I yelled. I reached for his hand. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, pulling it away from the pills. It didn’t do much. Ghost hands suck. You can’t do anything with them, really. It takes a lot to be able to do anything.

But right now, I was beyond infuriated. I would not watch Gerard do this to himself. He would not kill himself on my watch. I’m meant to protect him. At least that’s what I made my goal when I died. I made it my afterlife destiny to protect him.

The air went cold and still. I was breathing fire. The look on his face became indescribable. I couldn’t tell if he was overjoyed, dejected, or just down right petrified.

“Z-Zoey?” His voice cracked. “Is that you?”

“It’s me, Gerard.” I knew he couldn’t hear me, but what else could I do? I wanted so badly for him to hear me. I wanted so badly to actually talk to him. I missed him. Yes, I saw him every day, but I missed the interaction. The feeling of arms around me, of his greasy hair in my fingers. The feeling he gave me.

But I’m dead. That’s plain and simple. The cold, hard truth. The honest to God truth, is that I’m dead, and I’m not coming back, and I’m not going to get to feel that again—especially if he takes his life. If he dies like this, then I won’t get to hold his hand after he dies properly. The thing about suicide is that the afterlife isn’t the nicest about it. Sure you get some peace, but then again, the pain never really goes away. You just get stuck in this realm, wondering around hoping to find someone. I know because I’ve encountered some of them. Thier job, is to stop other people from doing it, or to save people from it just after they acted.

And if he does this, I won’t get the chance to meet him again. I won’t see him, not ever. He’ll be stuck to wander. To heal, to save.

“Please, it’s not the answer…” I whisper, barely audiable to my own ears.

Tears slid down his cheek, “I love you so much, Zoey, I never stopped.”

“I know…” I said, stroking his hair as he looked blankly forward. “But, Gee, you’ll see me again, someday, just not today, not like this.”

He looked in the direction of me. Something inside me told me that he just knew I was there, that he could just tell. I knew he couldn’t see me; it’s seldom that the living can see the dead. They can hear us sometime, and maybe feel us, but it’s so rare, that is a miracle when they can.

Just as I said this, shattered glass broke my trance on him. I looked in the direction, as well as Gerard. He set the pills down and got up, walking out of the room, away from me.

No no no no no no no no no no no no

I followed Gerard. I knew what was going to happen, and he wasn't going to stop it.

As Gerard crept around the corner of the living room, two men in black stood with guns.

"Gerard, run!"

I saw panic take over Gerard. He was regretting coming out here, especially without a weapon. The sleeping pill was starting to take him over, he looked drowsy. I hit my head against the wall mumbling why, why dear Lord did he have to be so stupid. Why this had to be happening. He has a family that he has to be here for. He can't die now.

"Mr. Way." One said coldly. I recognized that voice. Shit. It was him. The reason of my death. He was hear to finish Gerard. No one's supposed to make it out of his grasp, alive.

"Please, there's money in the office, take it and go." His voice was shaking. Gerard was terrified. Well who wouldn't be? He was seconds from death. Who wouldn't be fearful when their life is in danger.

I squeezed my head and looked away. I couldn't do anything. This was killing me, for a second time. This was the damn end, I could see it. Why the hell did Gerard have to be so idiotic?

"We don't want your money, Mr.Way. Let me say, it took a lot to find you. Especially after you went off the grid." I could tell that this excuse of a man was clenching his teeth.

I glanced at Gerard, sweat was running down his face. I could see his feet slightly twitching, getting ready to bolt. But before he could do anything, the man raised the gun and a deafening shot fired, filling the air.

"NO!" I screamed. Most would think that I would be happy to see him again, at least that's what I get asked. But no. I wanted him to live, to be happy. I wanted him to be there for his family. For his daughter, for his wife, for his brother. I especailly didn't want to watch him die.

The bullet shot through him, entering his head and exiting on the other end. It was imediate death. At least it wasn't as painful as mine had been. He was dead the instant the bullet hit, whereas, with me, I had to wait in agonizing pain for hours before I said enough.

As Gerard's body hit the cold, hardwood floor, I ran to his side. I knelt next to him. I grabbed his hand, although he couldn't feel it. He was already cold. Imagine that, already deminished of body heat.

I watched his spirit rise from the ground, sitting up. He rubbed his head. He didn't notice me until I grabbed his hand. This time, he could feel it. He looked at me, his hazel eyes growing in size as he looked at me.

He engulfed me in a hug, tears running down his face. "This means I'm dead, doesn't it?"

"Unfortunately..."

~~A/N: Yes, I'm evil. But I'll do some happy ones.

~XO JJ

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