October 18th

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My beloved Kaoru,

It feels weird writing to you two days later, but I had to write to you. A lot has happened in the past two days. I'm sure you where there for it all, but I'll tell you if you were sleeping or something.

Well, she got an abortion. I decided to try and go to school for the first time in weeks, everybody looked at me differently. Also, I went to the host club, they looked at differently too. It was the look of pity, they didn't know how to react to me. I was a lost abused puppy, and they where my new master.

The first class I went to was English, I got there late and walked in. The teacher was about to scold me but then saw who had walked in and shut up. She looked at me with pity to, everyone was throwing me a pity party. I didn't like it. I didn't pay attention. I sat there as she spoke about this story, Of Mice and Men, about how George killed Lennie and it was justified because of euthanasia. She then went on to explain that euthanasia meant mercy killing, but I had tuned out by then.

Thinking about it now, you killed me. You told me to face toward the river and think about the good old time and shot me. Right in the back of the head. It was unexpected, of course. Except I'm not dead, you are. And I'm left here torn, to shreds.

Maybe it was my fault, my stupidity. My actions. My words. Maybe I'm George and you're Lennie. But what you did wasn't "euthanasia," no what you did was much worse. You left me here alone. I need you more than I needed others...

Maybe, I should've done it. I should've been the one to lead you to your demise, I should have given you one last day. I should've let you dream, let you pass with happy thoughts.mMaybe I should have been George. You, Lennie.

I hope you end up tending to the rabbits...



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