I Don't Understand What to do Now

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Hey guys, so basically this chapter was something that I wrote a month or so ago and I was origanally not going to put it in, but I decided I couldnt leave it out becase it just had to much to say and I felt a connection to the peice so I had to add it in to the story. When I write this I can't explain how I feel easliy. Sometimes it cry, sometimes laugh, sometimes smile, and sometimes I just break down and have to stop because I have seen and watched theses things happen to people. So I hope you enjoy this!




The last letter I wrote, it meant so much to me I just don’t understand what I am doing anymore… I sit and think, really think and wonder, what could have been? If we would have been able to stay together. I miss you so much, I really do. I miss seeing your smile that always made me smile and always could light up my day. I miss that you were always able to say the right thing that made me always feel better, and made me capable of climbing further out of that dark place that I had been knocked into. Recently we were texting and you said things that was just bitter sweet for me.

Harry: lol you’re hot too!

Me: I am not hot, I’m anything but hot

Harry: to me you are;)

Me: how?

Me: I’m average nothing more.

Harry: because your face, lol. And you’re more than average. You’re extraordinary.

Me: No I’m not. Have you seen me? I’m not skinny, I don’t have perfect hair, and I don’t have perfect skin.

Harry: there’s no such thing as perfect. Why would you want to be skinny. And who cares about skin color? And your hair is great. I love the Blonde highlights.

Me: yeah well I’m not gorgeous, or pretty, or hot. You can thank my past for my knowing’s.

Harry: well I’m sorry you don’t think that. But you are all those things.

Me: thank you, like I said before the thoughts will always be there… I can’t help it. Thank you for saying them though.

Harry: your welcome, I will always say them.

You Harry have honestly never stopped trying to make me feel better, and for that I love you much and am so grateful for having you in my life! I can’t grasp why though that you continue to try, why you are still here, most people would have given up on me, sometimes I wish you would have, because then I wouldn’t still be hung up on you, or still gravely in love with you. 

The teasing you always do naturally causes me to blush, and my heart beat like the thumping of a galloping Thoroughbreds heart when they just crossed the finish line. I miss you so much even though I talk to you every day! I miss you. I miss seeing you every morning by my locker where you waited for me religiously, and me pretending I hated it. Though you always see through it, because my eyes are not very good liars. I miss holding your hands, and comparing them to my small hands. I still have the thoughts about the demons, but now in just a remembrance type of way.

                                                                                                        Love you,                                                                                                             MiaXx

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