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Pen Your Pride

Chapter 16

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My heart started racing. The room started spinning and I had to sit down on the chair closest to me.

I remembered that Christmas. I remembered my absent father and how close me and my brother were. I remembered meeting Cas for the first time, and how those goddamn blue eyes drove me fucking insane. I remembered out first kiss, and how I had pushed him away at first, never letting him see how he was constantly on my mind.

My mind was whirling when I heard a small voice coming from the stairway.

"Dean?" I turned around and saw a small boy sleepily rubbing his eyes and blinking at me. "What's all the noise down-"

"Sammy!" Before he had time to finish his question, he was is my arms. I picked him up and spun him around in the air. He was heavy for such a small kid, but I really didn't care.

"Dean!" He yelped, obviously confused.

"Sammy, I remember." I set him down and held him by the shoulders, staring him in the eyes. I watched as they got wider and small tears formed in the corners.

"You... remember, remember?"

I nodded.

He burst into happy tears and pulled me back into a hug. I laughed happily and squeezed him tight.

He gasped suddenly and pulled back.

"Where's Cas? Does he know?" My little brother looked wildly around the room.

I dropped my gaze to the floor.

"Sammy, Cas is gone."

Sam looked back at me and blinked.

"Gone," He said blankly.

"He left me a note, I found it when I woke up. He's gone, Sammy He ran out." I handed him the note as proof.

His eyes skimmed it before he handed it to me, shaking his head.

"No, you two are pulling one on me," He laughed diffidently. "Come on Cas, get out here." He started looking around the room and yelling for the ghost of a man that was no longer there.

"Sammy." I grabbed his arm and shook my head.

He held my gaze for a moment before sitting down on the couch and letting his head fall into his hands.

He was crying for real this time, not out of happiness, but out of sheer disappointment.

"Where did he go?" He sat up after a few moments and asked, pain dripping from his voice. I shook my head again.

"I don't know. He said that when I remembered I would know where to look, but I don't."

I watched as my brother's head fell and he stared down sadly at his shoes.

"Ill find him though, don't worry," I finished, and moved to sit beside him. I held him in my arms and pulled him close, petting his hair and letting him cry. I knew how close Cas and Sam had gotten over time and I knew how hard it was for kids to let people go.

I closed my eyes as a single tear dropped from my cheek onto my hand.

I guess it wasn't just hard for kids.

* * *

That night I went to bed with a heavy heart and a clouded mind. All I could think about was finding Castiel.

It had been a long enough day, and now on top of it all, I probably wasn't going to be able to sleep.

I scooted down deeper under my blankets and shifted my head on my pillow, trying to find a comfortable position.

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