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Pen Your Pride

Insecurities

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Now in my life, I've seen a lot of stuff. Granted, I'm still really young, but in this generation, I've seen some interesting things. Kids sagging their pants, cell phones attatched to everyone's arms, headphones stuck in people's ears: things I wish I hadn't seen.

But I see stuff that happens to me, and I take it personally.

Insecurity number one: weight

Now I don't care what any person says on the planet: weight matters. Of course everyone can say "oh but it doesn't! We don't judge on appearance!"

Lies.

You do. I don't care what you claim, what you deny, whatever that flows from your mouth, its a lie. It is weaved into human nature to judge based off of looks. Now don't get me wrong, I've never been "overweight". I'm an athletic girl. But it doesn't help that I go to a school full of people who judge off of weight. Who give nicknames to the overweigth. Who shove the chubby. Who laugh at the muffin tops.

Not me.

I love the school that I go to. I love the pride in the school students have, the events, the clubs... I just don't like the students. Everyone can be full of pride and "happiness" and claim to be apart of my school, but when it is the school's motto to be proud, do we find pride in making fun of those who eat a little more than others?

Insecurity number two: grades

There are the smarts: the ones who can pull amazing grades, and the ones who get into the ivy league schools. There are the "jocks": the ones whom everyone has labeled as the star of the team, but the runt in the classroom. Then there's the all arounds: the ones that are good at sports, and pull great grades.

I try to see myself as an all around. Softball comes naturally to me, and I've always been the starting shortstop on the teams that I play for. But in the classroom, I do my best. I try to pull the great grades, but they end up being "eh grades". My grades have never been the best, and I've tried to change. But it's so hard to break a bad habit of procrastination that I wonder if I'll even get as far as college. Yet, I still try hard for something that in the back of my mind, I feel as though I can never reach.

Make goals! Plan things out! Turn in assignments! You think I haven't tried that? I've tried everything in the book, but the power of procrastination is too strong. It sucks me in everytime I've made progress, and I end up right back where I started. So no, I don't appreciate it when people label me as stupid or dumb. I know I can do better, and it's still a work-in-progress.

All I want to be is successful.

Is that too much to ask?

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