He was sitting on the coach, and I was across from him. His leg kept shaking and he was fidgeting with his fingers. I smelled nervousness all over him.
"It's gonna be okay. I promise." I said without even realizing it. I promised. I can't screw this up again.
"Stay here. I'll be right back." I quickly got up in search for a pen and some paper. After looking in every room possible I found an empty mail envelope and a blue pen under my bed. Jeez what did Derek do all day?
I came back into the room and Stiles was had watery eyes. I knew I should have said something but I couldn't comfort him. I wasn't good with that shit.
"Uhm.. here..." I have him the envelope and pen. "I need you to write down the first things you think of." I tried to avoid being awkward, but I think I made things worse.
"Uhm yeah I got it. Just anything?" he asked, almost scared of what I was going to say.
"Yeah anything. Don't even think about it."
Stiles picked up the pen and his hand started to move slowly, then rapidly at once. He wrote for a good ten seconds or so before he put down the pen and gave me the envelope.
"Here." He started fidgeting again.
I started to read what he wrote, but I couldn't understand anything.
Crap. This was going to be harder than I thought. But I can't screw it up like last time.
"Stiles, what does this say?" I asked while handing back the envelope.
"Uh, it says 'it's all my fault. I can't help it.'" he said stuttering. This was crushing him, I could tell.
"Stiles. Listen to me right now. I know we just met and we aren't really on best terms but you have to listen to me. It's not your fault. Okay. It's not your fault. This isn't you. I know you've been hearing the same shit for who knows how long, but this isn't your fault."
He started shaking his head.
"No, no you don't get it. I liked it." He started crying. "I liked the power. I remember stabbing Scott, I liked it. I wanted the power."
"Stiles, believe it or not, I understand."
"What do you mean?" he looked up at me with his puppy dog eyes.
I quickly looked away not wanting to get sucked into his glare.
"Uhm.. I just know what you're talking about... I mean I can relate." God damn it that was a bad lie.
Stiles looked like he had just swallowed glass. I needed to get him to stop crying, or this was gonna get a lot more awkward.
"Hey. I need you to stop crying. I know it's hell right now, but someone once told me, 'if you're going through hell, keep going.' Okay Stiles? I need you to keep going. Okay?" I needed him to calm down. I smelled nervousness coming up and based on his hyperactivity, I didn't need a panic attack right now.
"Mrs. Morell. You know the French teacher? She's the counselor too. She said the same thing to me."
"Yeah," I chuckled. "Marin. Yeah she was friends with my mom. Yeah I used to live here until the fire. I know a couple of people." I smiled hoping he'd return it, and I saw him trying. You just can't smile in hell.