I speed walk to the bathroom. Luckily, no one is in here. So no one will hear me crying.
I locked myself in the biggest stall, sat on the toilet and cried as silently as possible.
I cried because I'm gay. Because I can't have Nash. Because I'm a total fuck up. Because I hate myself.
Nash is always so nice to me. He defended me at the bowling alley when that guy called me a fag.
I reach in my pocket to get my phone. I put in my passcode and scroll through all of my pictures of Nash. Approximately 457. This is my therapy. This and cutting. I try to convince myself to look at pictures of Nash INSTEAD of cut, and it works sometimes. I stare at the pictures, zooming in on his water-colored eyes and his cute little freckles. I was on picture number 24 when the bell rang. I'm late.
I exit the stall and wash my face and jog/sprint to my first class. When I walk in, all eyes are on me. Including Nash's.
"Well hello. You must be Mr. Dallas?" The teacher raises her eyebrow at me. I nod.
"Take your seat." She points at the seat next to Nash at the back of the room. Great. He's gonna start asking a bunch of questions and I can't handle that right now.
I take my seat next to my bestfriend and I can feel his eyes on me.
"Alright, My name is Mrs. Franks, and I'm happy to welcome you back to the new school year."
"Cam, what's wrong? Where did you go?" Nash whispers.
I shake my head, dismissing his question.
"C'mon man. I'm worried about you." He says.
"Nash, just drop it. Please." I snap, a little too loudly.
"Mr Dallas, is there something you would like to share with the class?" Mrs. Franks crosses her arms.
"N-no ma'am." I stutter. She sits back down and continues talking about her family and kids that nobody gives a damn about anyway.
Nash is still staring at me. I wish I could tell him. I wish he knew how I truly feel about him, and that he wanted me as badly as I want him. It would save so much energy.
The teacher is still talking about her life when the bell rings. I stand up quickly and try to go around Nash, but he grabs my arm.
"Cameron. Tell me what's wrong with you." He says sternly, staring into my eyes.
I break from his stare by looking at the ground. I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I shake my head.
His grip on me tightens and he lowers his eyes.
"Tell. Me. Now." He demands.
I shouldn't be turned on right now, but Demanding Nash is hot.
"It's nothing Nash! Let me go!" I yell, trying to loosen his grip on me.
"Fine! Go to the movies by yourself then!" He screams in my face and stalks away.
I slowly pick up my bag and make my way to my next class.
I was on time, so there were lots of empty seats. I sat behind Nash. He didn't acknoweledge me in any way, and I don't know if I'm relieved or sad about it.
A girl sat next to him.
I have absolutely no clue what his issue is, but there's something he isn't telling me, and that makes me mad.
"Hi there." I turn to see a girl sitting next to me, smiling.
"Hey." I smile back. She's pretty hot.
"I'm Nicole, it's nice to meet you." She sticks her hand out for me to shake.
"Im Nash..It's nice to meet you too." I say, shaking her hand.
She starts asking me simple questions, like what classes do I have, what's my favorite color, and so on.
She seems cool..and I'd be lying if I said she wasn't hot.
After what seemed like forever, the bell rang for class to start.
Nicole smiled at me, before turning to face the front of the room.
The teacher started talking, but I wasn't even listening. I was thinking about Nicole and how I was going to ask for her number at the end of class.
I don't like this. Nash and that girl only talked for like..10 minutes but I can tell he likes her. He's practically fucking drooling.
One of the worst and hardest things about loving Nash is that throughout the years, I've had to deal with his girlfriends. I had to pretend to like them. I can't explain how hard it is to watch your crush be with someone else.
The bell rang and the teacher guy started talking. I sure as hell wasn't listening. I was too focused on Nash and that girl. They weren't talking anymore, but they kept glancing at eachother and smiling. I feel sick.
I literally jump up and over Nash and run out the room and down the hall to the restroom.
Again, it's empty, and I run into the biggest stall and puke up what feels like my entire stomach.
I flush the toilet and slide my back down the cold tile wall.
I pull out my phone and text my mom to come get me because I'm sick. She responded immediately saying she was on her way. Good.I can't deal with this shit today.
(A/N-- IS ANYONE ACTUALLY READING THIS? LOL WHATEVER I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY STORY K BYE ILY)