Ace For Hire // BTS Reader Insert

54

Taking this opportunity as a better time than any to change the topic, you popped the question, "Heard about the dating ban on me, care to explain?" Reclining your seat back as you got comfortable, whereas Namjoon obviously seemed to turn a bit awkward. Probably since he would hope you'd never find out about it or bring it up.

After a lengthy 'Uhh', Namjoon sighed as he explained, "I didn't do it to be an ass to you. The reason I made that rule in the first place was because relationships are just a luxury and liability that our line of work makes it impossible to have one."

"I figured that much, but why on me specifically? The exact words said to me was, 'No Dating Ace Rule'. Also the half of the gang wasn't exactly thrilled at first of the idea of me, it's not like I was about to elope with anyone on the spot." You asked again, not upset or anything since you weren't ever boy crazy or constantly wanting to date. But you were just curious, sure Namjoon's best known for being a dick to you, except a rule like that didn't seemed established just out of spite.

Staring out the window now to watch the darkness begin to lift from the edges of the sky, you would look at Namjoon's reflection from the window as he focused on the road ahead of him. "[Y/n] dont be stupid, I made the rule because we're human. When were with someone for a long time regardless of how much we could dislike them, we gradually form a bond, whether it be friendship, family relations, or romantic interests; we grow closer. Like even now, you have to admit that you consider at least one or two members to be close to you."

He got you there, you've never seen it that way before. You didn't mean that it wasn't entirely possible to see dating happen in the gang, but you just didn't think about how spending time together also correlated with being close to someone.

Now you started to feel a bit stupid, you always questioned whether or not your relationship to the others were changing. Sometimes even backbreaking yourself mentally as you would try to figure out if you were getting soft and emotional on them or if it was the other way around. But now you realized it worked both ways, you were always making deeper bonds, but now you're just able to say you're a member. At least to yourself, you weren't really ready for them to see hear the words straight from you.

The more and more you thought about how you've subconsciously been thinking of the others as friends more than business partners. You became even more worrisome for some reason. As if you were scared of getting close to other people.

"I lied, earlier during class." You suddenly spoke up, "There is one fear I have that isn't physical."

After a beat passed through the car, Namjoon said, "What is it?" Sounding curious himself, but also tiptoeing in case you felt forced to tell him.

"I'm afraid to be happy, just the idea of it terrifies me sometimes. I'm scared because I don't know when it'll disappear, and I don't know if I'll ever feel happy like this again for years. I'm afraid when I lose it again and it will be like nothings changed, that I'll still be the miserable person I was in the first place." Taking a deep breath, you discreetly used your sleeve to wipe away the tears prickling in your eyes, trying to play of the action as if you were brushing your hair out of your face. Which was pointless to pretend since the straining cracks in your voice betrayed your composure.

"Even when I'm happy, I just don't know what to do because I end up holding my breath the whole time." Taking a deep inhale, you closed your eyes for a moment before continuing, "The happiness I feel now, I really like it, a lot. I'm not ready to lose it yet."

Staring down at your lap, you felt the corner's of your lip tug downwards as you suddenly thought about your dad. Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of making meaningful connections to other people just to lose them without warning sank your heart down into your chest. Don't have a break down- have one later but not while you're alone with Namjoon.