13. Was

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Jeonghan takes me in his embrace as he curses. "How dare he do that to you!? That asshole! I'll kill him when I find him that fucking-"
"Jeonghan, please. That's enough," Joshua places his hand on his shoulder.
"Sorry. I just got carried away and engulfed in rage. I'm sorry y/n," he hugs me tighter.

"It's alright. I would've said the same things. And I still would now. But I just decided to keep silent instead and not waste my time on him."
"That's the spirit! Now, let's eat," he smiles lightly at me and leads me to the kitchen.

I am so thankful for them to be there for me when no one ever would spare me a glance. And I hoped he would've done the same for if this was not his fault. 

Jeonghan gently rubs my shoulder and back as he softly smiles at me, "everything will be alright, trust me."

That's where it started. Those 2 words that I believed so much. That I followed and eventually got myself into a trap. 

Trust me. Everything will go just fine. 

I was the one to love him. He barely even looked at me but, still tried in the very beginning. Until at a certain point, he just did as if I didn't exist anymore. And I didn't even try to turn around his mind. To get him to look at me. Why? Because whenever he looked at me... he had that one expression. Desire. Lust. That's all he wanted. That's all he would ever want. And he wasn't going to get it from me. 

Those times he told me he loved me. How tenderly he held my hand and kissed my lips... Those times are long gone and erased. I only no realise how those words and actions were just wasted. How easily things can get erased. 

Tears spill from my eyes as I try to eat while Jeonghan's hand rests on my back, soothing me. "It's okay to cry," he whispers, "we are here for you."

And I told myself that moment. That I would never waste my life on something like that again.

I am not a person to be treated like an object. I am not someone to keep you satisfied with actions when you don't return anything to me or keep me in control, snatching my freedom away. And I am not a mindless person that you can hold back once I am released. 

I will put you down like you did. 

The next day, I was sitting right in front of my lawyer, talking about what should happen. It was already all planned out. Only the paper had to be ready and signed. I hold the pen in my hand, tightly like I used to hold onto you. 

In a swift movement the ink spreads over the page. In one swift movement, my signature is on the pages that lay in front of me. 

Only then, when I look up at my lawyer, I put the pen back down. He just nods at me before telling me that once Jun signs it, the process will be over. 

And I was sure he would sign it. He wants his freedom too. He wants to flirt, to play around, toying with bodies and people, handling them like objects he could easily destroy. 

A small smile finally forms on my lips as I look back down at the page. 

Finally...

After all this time I have let to waste... I am free. 

But, I should've known that my heart wouldn't easily let go of something I held onto so tightly for years. And I should've known that scars and memories would still remain years after the actions had been done. 

And I should have known. 

That I would carry another responsibility along. Something I was not prepared for. 

Curse you Wen Junhui. I hope you waste away. 

~author note~

Oh, I love waste. It's one of my favourite words. 

Waste | Jun X ReaderWhere stories live. Discover now