Chapter 13

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Lotus Flower,

After the two weeks were up, I still didn't have an answer for Adrian. I thought about it... but I wasn't over you one bit. I still love you way too much to move on... but on the other hand I didn't want to break his heart by saying no. He was still my best friend. 

Finally, making up my mind, I went online, checking my emails. Calming my nerves down, I scanned my emails quickly, looking for a message from Adrian. After a while of searching, I'd never saw one. Doing a double check, I still never saw any messages. Thinking that Adrian was probably busy or something, I went on Facebook to pass time. My local news feed opened up, as I strolled down, reading some of the posts my friends made. My eyes stopped when I saw Adrian's name popped up. It was a post he made about an hour ago on his wall.

Wondering what it was about, I began to read;

'I'm sorry guys, I won't be online for a while. Things came up, so I guess this is goodbye for now.'

I stared at the words, as I re-read it over and over again. I didn't understand... why was he leaving? I thought he was coming back after two weeks? Did he lie or something...?

Confused, I sent him a quick message asking him about the post he made. I was praying to God, hoping, he was just lying and everything was a joke. He can't leave... not now.  

I waited and waited, but he never replied back. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months... it wasn't until Valentine's Day when I got a message from him.

Yeah I know two months wasn't that long, but it was to me! Him leaving was your death all over again... Adrian pretty much abandoned me when I needed him the most. '

I wish I'm the first to greet you a happy Valentine's Day... I love you sis <3'

At first I didn't know what to think of that message. I was overjoyed that he finally talked to me, but I was also angry he left me for months with out warning. But once I saw the word, 'sis' a new feeling bubbled up inside of me. I didn't want him to call me sis... Cupcake yes, but never sis. Maybe this was his way of telling me he's over me? But maybe he never liked me at all... he'd probably just wanted me to move on. I guess he was trying to help me... by telling me he liked me? Well it worked, even though it took me months to figure it out... sadly I was too late. 

That Noah, was the day I finally figured out that I really did liked Adrian. Too bad he never came back. After that he told me he had to focus on his studies and that was it. 

It's now the middle of September, and I haven't heard from him since April. If I had to guess, he's probably still at college, studying his butt off. Even though I hate that we never talk anymore and the fact that he totally forgot about his confession letter, I was happy for him. 

He's probably living the good life now, where ever he is... and knowing him, he probably found a new girl to like. He was always the ladies man - well of course you knew that; he was your best friend after all. 

Anyways enough about him, let's get to you. 

It has been almost a year since your death, and so far, I'm healing; I'm moving on. Sure every time I listened to 'our song' I cried, or whenever I read our past messages, I start to tear up. 

But I'm not hurting as badly as before, I'm getting better, trust me. I mean, I managed to write all these letters to you right? Sure there's only thirteen of them, and you're never going to read them, but this is my way of saying goodbye. That's pretty much the whole reason to these letters. 

Since your death, the one thing I regret the most, was not saying goodbye to you.  

So here it is Noah;

"Goodbye Noah, I will miss you so much!"

I know you're probably up there in heaven watching over me right now... and maybe, just maybe you did read these letters. 

But always remember, you will always have a special place in my heart, and that I will always love you forever, no matter what. 

PS: Thanks for telling your cousin to give me this song, 'Marry Your Daughter' to listen to. I love it so much, and I still listen to it; it's one of my favorite songs - beside Ring Ding Dong by SHINee of course.

With this I end my last letter;



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