one hundred and eight

28 2 0

chapter 108
"mother"

i look around me
and everything has changed.

as my mother
bites her tongue

i ask her if it stings
to live with a product of my father

and she says
through gritted teeth,

no no no
you are the greatest gift

that god could ever give me;
but i wonder

if she could
rewind the tape,

would she thank her lucky stars
for every spit of poison

spat by my father
that drowned her

or maybe her eyes
would deceive themselves

with the blurred lines
reflecting in them.

maybe, laid underneath her heart
is untied wishes

that tug at her
so forcefully

maybe she wishes
that she had avoided all of the pain

maybe she prays
that she can rewind the tapes
some day

and start over
in Spain

with a glass of merlot
and a spanish lover

with the time in the day
to do everything she wants;

watch the sunset
over the waves of a cigarette

and maybe she would
have found God

in between the
flowers on her nightstand
and the moon in the sky.

maybe she would have
been able to

give the universe
to her first daughter

and maybe she would
be so happy

underneath the sun
on a Western European beach.

maybe if my mother
did not meet my father

and did not put me in the world,
her life would have been

sweeter than cinnamon;




unfinished.

a.m

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