the sun looks good on you - solangelo

13- like bees to honey

it's raining once again. but this time, it's raining hard. i wonder if will might cancel our "date". but he doesn't. he shows up earlier than expected.

the apartment smells like food. and for once i'm hungry. i am not hungry often. i can't tell if it's appetite that is in my stomach or nervousness. isn't it all the same though? i've felt so many emotions this week, it seems to all blur into one. i usually don't feel anything. this is all too much for me. hunger turns into want turns into anxiety turns into excitement turns into laughter turns into-

i shouldn't say the word, the universe might use it against me.

four letters.

starts with l.

ends with e.

i open the door for will solace.

he looks sunny as he always does, despite the weather. he's wearing a raincoat. he takes it off and i offer to take it. i never understood why my stepmom insisted i own a coat hanger, but i do now. i hang up the coat.

we have dinner and talk about small things. the weather, to start. i tell him i like it when it rains like this. soft rain always feels like an insult. he tells me he doesn't really like rain at all, but it's nice he to stay inside and listen to the rain. he tells me that one of the things he hates about living in new york is the constant sound and the lack of sunshine. the buildings always seem to block most of it. it's a miracle that people in new york don't have a vitamin d deficiency. or maybe they do. he says the pasta is delicious. the pasta recipe my mom had made. i tell him about my family and the coffee shop. i avoid talking about my mom or my sister too much, he notices and doesn't ask. i don't mind talking about it. it's just talking about it makes everyone feel weird. they'll try tip toeing around the subject. then they feel pity for me. i don't want will treating me like an injured puppy.

he's flirty. he loves to see me redden. he grins at my sideways, as if he knows that his seeing his dimples is like cocaine. i'm addicted to that smile. my ears feel hot. i place my cold hand on the back of my neck to cool it down. my hands are always quite cold.

the apartment is dim. partly due to the darkened sky outside, but also partly due to the fact that it feels strange to have all the lights on. it feels strange to sit across from will and look at him straight on. it feels even stranger that i feel at ease. the rain is making the air cold, but i'm warm. it's still only my hands that remain cold.

dinner is over and the world is dark.

"let me see your hands," will says to me. i oblige, eager to feel his warm touch against me. there's silence as he holds them gingerly, as if being careful not to break them. the touch of his skin makes my heart drum. i feel as though i am quickly melting. he's humming something. it's slow and sweet and familiar.

"what're you trying to do?"

"touch you,"

"what are you humming?"

"can't help falling in love,"

"i thought so." i gather my courage. "alexa, play can't help falling in love."

"now playing: can't help falling in love by elvis presley," my alexa dot replied in her robotic voice.

i tighten my fingers around his hands and i stand up. he stands up with me, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"come on," i say quietly. i guide his hands until they rest comfortably on my shoulders. my hands find his waist. there's pulsing and i'm unsure if it's my heartbeat racing or his. he's warm and soft to the touch. he's alive.

he's unsure and nervous. my neck is getting warmer but the cold air keeps it cool. will is turning pink.

singing begins.