i dont know why i was expecting you to be there

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spontaneity.
the rush of the lights and the adrenaline
the movement of bodies. plunged into inaction
as i waver along the blue-red lights backstage
on the offbeat i look out at all the smiling faces,
all seven of them,
and i can't find you.
solace in the darkest room as my heart burns for your eyes.
bodies touching bodies as i push my hips forward -
towards you -
and the feeling of the moment courses through my veins.
it's the leaving that hurts -
i can't give this much without being able to hug you.
without some sort of recompense.
unspoken words from my chest,
it tightens and wrings itself inside out
i told you it wouldn't matter for you to come.
a dead turtle, a tree, a villager.
this is who i am.
and i don't know why i was expecting you to be there.

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