48. The Worst Thing In The World

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"Come in." came his voice, exhausted and detached.

Bracing myself, I opened the door and stepped inside. There he was, flopped in front of his study table, jotting something down on his notebook.

"Adam." I whispered and he turned around with an alarming speed.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, not an inch of familiarity in his tone.

"How are you?" I asked, lowering my gaze to the ground.

He stood up and walked to me, stopping when he was at one arm's distance from me. I shifted on my feet under his scrutinizing gaze, his warmth sending chills down my spine.

"I think I told you to stay away." he said.

"I know." I raised my head and said. "But I need you to believe me Adam. I didn't do anything."

My voice was on the verge of breaking. "It was Chloe. I swear she is the one who did it." I wearied.

"I believe you." he said but his voice still cold.

"You believe me?" I asked, unsure if I had heard right.

He nodded, his eyes boring into mine. "Do you really think I'll believe such shit? I am not stupid."

I can't explain in words how much happiness did I felt at that moment. In excitement, I lunged at him and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you." I exclaimed, controlling myself from smothering him with my tight hug.

I expected him to return my hug, or at least say something. But he didn't do either. Instead, he unwrapped my arms and scooted away from me, creating a reasonable distance between us.

I stood there still, with a baffled expression on my face.

Didn't he say he believe me?

"What's wrong?" I asked, a confused smile on my face.

"We.." He motioned first at me then at himself. "This.. It can't happen."

"Wh.. What do you mean? Didn't you say you believe me?" I asked, exhaling deeply.

"I believe you Alicia." he said. "But I don't want you around me."

"Why?" I whispered, controlling myself from bursting into tears.

"You made me believe that it's okay to let someone in. You made me believe that it's okay to open up. You changed me and not for better. Look what it did to me." his voice was accusing, as if everything was my fault.

"Everything was going fine. I was fine. But then you came, and everything changed. You ruined everything." he said and at that point, I wasn't even controlling the teardrop that rolled down my cheek.

"Are you.. Are you saying that I am the reason everything bad is happening to you?" I asked, swallowing the ball of saliva down my throat.

"You are not the reason. But you are definitely the trigger." he said, his voice charged with blame.

"I don't like this new me. I want to be the same person I was, before I knew you. I don't want to be this stupid, vulnerable person that you have turned me into." he added.

A voice escaped my mouth, something between a cry and a chuckle. I looked around, unable to meet his eyes after what he just said. My eyes fell one the suitcase leaned against the wall and ignoring my inner self that was stopping me, I asked, "Are you leaving?"

"My grandma lives in Brooklyn. I'm going to visit her for a week. I'll be back by next Sunday." he said but his voice told me one thing, his return won't bring him back. Not for me at least.

"What about school?" I mumbled, my knees becoming weaker with every passing second.

"School is off for next two days because of the construction. I've no class on Wednesday and I've already submitted a leave for Thursday and Friday." he said.

He has it all planned.

My throat felt clogged because of the tornado of emotions whirling inside me. After my third attempt of saying something, I finally succeeded. "Great." it sounded more like a whisper.

"I.. I should go." I smiled briefly and turned around, letting the tears welled inside my eyes flow freely. He didn't even try to stop me. So I left his room, shut the door behind me and scurried towards my own house in a dangerously fast speed.

Locking myself inside my room, I pulled a photo frame from the side drawer of my bed and slid down against the wall. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, I scanned the woman in the photo and prepared myself for crying my heart out to her.

"You said love is the most beautiful thing in the world." my tone was accusing, just like Adam's. "Why didn't you tell me before how much it fucking hurts?"

"Why didn't you tell me how it breaks you?" I whispered, bringing the photo to my chest and leaning my head against the wall.

"It hurts Mom. You lied. It is not the most beautiful thing. It's the worst actually." I said between hiccups.

"The worst."


Stupid Adam. How many of you want to slap him?

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