Chapter 34 | Did I Do The Right Thing

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Sage

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Sage

"Your test results are in!" Doctor Collins exclaims after knocking rhythmically on the door, in a much better mood than I am. "Should I start with the good news first?"

"There's bad news?" My mother winces and my father squeezes her shoulders, whispering for her to relax.

I'm dying, of course, there's bad news.

It's never been more set in stone, and I couldn't find it in me to care. I've been trying to put on the I'm-so-optimistic facade to seem emotional stable, but it's mentally draining. I'm not a great liar and my facial expressions give away everything I'm feeling.

They know I've been a zombie the past two days, just waiting around for the grim reaper to pop up and take me away. I can't seem to focus on anything, nothing registers even when someone is trying to have a conversation with me.

The only thing my brain made clear around a foggy reality is that it's been two days since I've seen Eli. Two agonizingly long days since I broke our hearts, and nothing makes sense to me anymore. He stayed away, just as I had asked, and I can't pinpoint how I feel about it.

Noah and my mother worked hard to cheer me up, but there wasn't much they could do. I didn't even feel anything when Jordan arrived, calling me, 'Robin.' I couldn't shake the hysterical trance I was trapped in, but I tried to smile for them.

I did what I had to do and there isn't any going back, not now.

Nothing downsized the pain, just knowing that I hurt Eli made everything ten times worse. I've never felt an emotional ache until now, and any physical damage this sickness does will never be more agonizing than making Eli leave me.

They don't have a cure for a broken heart.

My brother tried to encourage me, insisting that Eli would understand. They even called me selfless, of all things. It sure wasn't how I see myself.

Did I do the right thing? It's been a constant fleeting thought and I'd have to consistently remind myself that all of this is for his benefit. He's better off. I did it for him and I'm not sure if I've been crazy from the start or if loving him made me go bat-shit. Either way, he doesn't need my messy life effecting him.

The choices I made quickly turned me into a hypocrite. I've never been fond of other's making decisions for me, but I did exactly that for Eli. I may hate myself for it, but it's better than him despising me in the future.

Like the overbearing lunatic I am — pathetically lost without that green-eyed boy — I begged Noah to check in on Eli.

I had no right, but I needed to know that he'll be okay, that he'll make it to school and practice even if my brother had to drive him. I needed to know that all of this wasn't for nothing.

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