Sunday, January 27th
Somehow, Jett heard about my volunteer work experience involving the demon sculptures over at Clyde's house. I guess Dad probably told Mom, who told Jocelyn, who told Jett. And of course, Jett thinks it's just about the funniest thing he's ever heard. So funny, in fact, that all day today, whenever he thought no one was looking, he made the classic "wax on/ wax off" motion (from that old movie, The Karate Kid) with his left and right hands, and then would totally crack up. Nice. I'm so glad I get to be the comic relief during this unfortunate, stressful time.I guess he could tell I was bugged, because he came up to me this afternoon and said, "Dude! Sorry to laugh so much but that demon story is pretty good. I mean, I feel for you, bro!" So, I guess now I am not only Jett's primary source of weekend entertainment, I am also now his "bro."To make things even more uncomfortable, Ivy came over this afternoon and of course, Jett just had to take it upon himself to go and split some more firewood, stripped down to his perfectly distressed Abercrombie & Fitch wife beater tank.
I told him I thought we had enough split wood to last us until April now, but he just said, "No problem, Myles. Just doing my part to help out your dad." I wanted to tell him that I had the wood sitch, as well as Dad covered, but Ivy told me I was being unreasonable and even a little bit judgemental. I asked her how so, and she said that I automatically assume Jett is a douchebag just because he is good-looking and built like a show pony. Yes. She said that. SHOW PONY. How is a person even supposed to respond to that? I pointed this out and she said I was being all jealous, which was stupid, because she is allergic to horses, anyway, so I didn't have to worry.
Later, the three of us walked to the village to get stuff to make homemade pizza with. It was a long walk. I didn't feel like talking much, but that was fine because Jett yabbered the whole way about how he's tight head prop on his rugby team this year and how his nickname is "Stone Wall," for obvious reasons. Ivy, who up until today, had no interest whatsoever in competitive team sports, hung on to his every word, and even went as far as to squeeze his bicep in the general store's cheese aisle and say, it IS like you're made of stone; your muscles are so HARD!
When we got to the produce section, Jett slapped me on the back and told me to go and use my mushroom expertise and select some nice ones for the pizza. Of course, Ivy looked puzzled, so he took it upon himself to tell her I'd admitted to being a big mycology fan. Ivy said, "Well, you learn something new every day," and then Jett said, "That Myles...he's a fungi to be with!" And then the two of them started laughing so hard that Ivy lost her balance and knocked over a beetroot display, much to the produce clerk's chagrin.
The walk home was much the same as the walk to the store. Meaning, Jett talked about himself non-stop, pausing only to demonstrate complex rugby maneuvers on the side of the road. I don't think he asked Ivy (or me) one personal question. No. Wait. That's not true. He did ask Ivy if she was planning to stay and have pizza with us, and she said, "Oh, yes! I would love that!"
Allergic to horses, my ass. She didn't sneeze once the entire night.
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THE PECULIAR LANGUAGE OF LLAMASHumor
* A Wattpad Editors' Pick (Spring /2019) * *NOW UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY* Fourteen-year-old Myles is having a rough time. Not only has his mother run off with her female yoga instructor, but his dad has moved the two of them to a remote island to liv...