•Angelic• {alec Lightwood}

I lost him

"I know how much he means to you." Simon says to Clary. She's crouched down in front of the couch next to luke and I'm sitting on the far side of the room on an arm chair.

"How could I have doubted him?" Clary asks getting up. I stand up and walk over to the pole next to the couch. Slowly I lean against it.

"How could you not of Clary?" I ask as she looks up at me. "He said we meant nothing to him when we needed him most, I think that's enough reason for doubt."

"He's the only father I've ever known I can't lose him." She sighs leaning into simons hug.

"I lost him that day at the police station." I say getting a little louder. " I lost him when he said I meant nothing to him, I lost him when he said I could die and he wouldn't care." I didn't notice I was crying until Simon wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I had lost so many people that were special to me. My parents, Jocelyn, dot, luke, and there's nothing I can do to change any of that now. Nothing will ever be the same. Slowly I wrap my arms around Simon and let it all out. I shed tears for everyone I've lost. I shed a tear for losing my old self. I would never be the sarcastic dancer I used to be ever again, now I'm a shadowhunter. Carefully I unwrap myself from Simon and wipe my tears away. I have to be strong now so I don't lose anyone else. if that means cutting off my emotions then that's what I need to do as long as the people I care about are safe.

"The bark will stop the transformation for now." Magnus says walking into the room. Carefully but quickly he sets down all of his supplies before turning to us. "He needs an antidote to stop the poison in his system and I don't have all the ingredients here."

"Tell me what you need and how to get it." Quickly Magnus shakes his head at clary's suggestion.

"No." He states while running around his apartment. "You stay here, luke will need you if he wakes up."

"When he wakes up!" Clary shouts at him.

"I'll go." Jace says walking in. Noticing the cut on his face I walk over and grab his chin in my hand. I turn his head so I can get better lighting.

"What happened to you?" I ask as he swats my hand away.

"Lukes car may have found its way into a pole while I was stashing it." He sighs. "I don't do mundane driving."

"You don't say." I smirk at him. He ruffles my hair and walks away towards Magnus.

"What do you need for it?" Jace asks Magnus. Simon goes to step forward but I stop him.

"Phoenix eyes, moon salt, and Idris fulgurite." Magnus says still scurrying around.

"Just a quick trip to the pharmacy." Simon says sarcastically. "It'll only take two seconds."

"I know a guy,"Jace grabs Simon by the arm as he walks past him. "And I don't need you."

"Too bad you got me." Simon retorts. Having enough I walk up to both of them.

"Hey baboon, is Iz at the institute?" Knowing that I was talking to him jace nods his head. "Alright cool," I say as I head towards the door backwards. I give them a mock solute. "Gotta motor." But as I remember something I stop dead in my tracks. "Hey magnus you got the things I asked about last time?"

"On the kitchen island." Quickly I skip over to the Island and grab the black box on it.

"For real I got to motor this time."
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I stop outside Izzy's room and take a deep breath, adjusting the box on my hip. Slowly I bring my hand up and knock. I smile when she opens the door.