90 - Dear Harry

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Dear Harry,

Oh my. I'm so sorry.

You've done so much for me.

You gave me friends, the feeling of being loved, a career, a life.
It all started from me being a fan of yours, and you accidentally noticing me.
I can't express how happy I am that happened.

Thanks to you I became the first model to be shown with self harm scars (after people found out)
Thanks to you I was happy.
Thanks to you, I didn't die sooner.

I'm so extremely grateful for everything you've done to me, even though I don't deserve it, for how incredibly happy you made me.

Please don't think this is your fault, because it isn't in the slightest.
I know you, and the boys love me. But I just can't do it.
I know I'm literally just giving up, but I'm done waiting. I've been waiting for most of my life it feels like.
I feel like there's no where to run, no where to go if one more thing goes wrong. And because it's my luck, once one bad thing happens, the next will follow, and the next after that.

I'm so sorry I'm doing this, and I know you'll be sad. But please carry on.
Carry on singing, carry on being happy, even if you have to try your hardest, don't give up.
I know it's extremely hypocritical to say that but I mean it.
You have such an amazing life ahead of you, and I don't want me dying to stop you.

Thank you for all you ever did for me, even before we talked.

I love you so so so much.
Please don't forget me.
I love you, bye Haz ♡
- your Louis

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