Doc Bert

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Jonathan Childs had been a good boy and had been allowed the opportunity to talk to the resident shrink named Harold Bertilundi.

Dr. Bert, as he was called, had put Childs through a battery of tests to determine his psychological condition in an effort to return him to population. Childs, upon satisfying Dr. Bert's analysis with ink blotters and word associations, was then given an appointment for a one on one psych exam with the good doctor.

Childs was escorted in cuffs and leg irons to Dr. Bert's office by two prison officers. Upon arriving, one of the officers tapped on the shrink's door with his baton and Dr. Bert pushed the button for the buzzer that opened the door.

As they entered the office, Childs was as calm and easy going as a minister. Dr. Bert watched him walk across the room with the two guards in tow and asked him to sit down.

"Have a seat, John."

Childs sat down nodding his head and looking a bit like a whipped dog.

"How are you doing, John?"

"Fine, sir."

He looked at the two guards as if they intimidated him.

"Leave us." said the doc.

The two guards looked at each other and almost in unison shrugged their shoulders.

"We'll be right outside Doc," One of them said, and the doctor nodded his head in approval. After they had left and closed the door Doc Bert offered Childs a cigarette.

"Smoke?"

"It's a little awkward in the bracelets sir."

"Okay, John, drop the sir crap okay."

"Yes Dr. Bert."

"Call me Bert, ok John?"

"Okay, Bert."

"You know that this interview could get you out of those chains today, don't you?"

"Yes sir, I mean Bert, I do."

"Well then, here's what I want to know. Why?"

"Why what, Bert?"

"Come now John, you know exactly why what, why the needles?"

"I was feeling guilty Bert, somehow I got to thinking I could cleanse myself of my crimes against society, but since the Lecithin therapy I'm feeling much better. I'm not nearly as depressed as I was, in fact I would say I'm nearly a hundred percent."

His voice reminded Doc of the way Hal talked to Dave in 2001, A Space Odyssey when Dave was fixing to shut him down.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Dr. Bert, I feel better than I have in some time."

"Do you take me for a fool John?"

"Oh no... Bert, I'm just trying to be honest with you."

Dr. Bert sat and looked Childs in the eye for a moment, and looked over his test results.

"My problem is..." he flipped a few sheets over on a clipboard.

"My problem is these test results here, see, I can't recall the last time I got such a stellar example from anybody. According to this you are the sanest man I've ever spoken to. Lecithin may be helpful but it's no miracle drug"

"Well, I told you I feel much better."

"Yes but a very short while ago you were sticking needles through your genitals, John, and now you have no genitals. John, we removed your testis a few days ago and now you want me to believe that this operation has left you saner than when you started?"

"I got what I deserve sir. I have done a lot of evil with that thing, there are woman and children who will never be the same because of it, I used it like a weapon sir, I don't deserve to have it, and I'm certain the loss of Testosterone can be nothing but a benefit"

"What about your manhood, John, don't you think this is going to affect your personality, don't you think you're going to have problems with the other inmates?"

"I'm just glad to be alive Bert, I'm glad you guys saved me, I would have killed myself eventually you know."

"Yes, I know." solemnly...

"I really appreciate everything you have done for me."

"Yes, I'm sure you do. If I return you back to population, what are you going to do John?"

"My time, I just wanna do my time, do my program and be left alone."

"But aren't you concerned what the other inmates will think when they find out you're missing your penis?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't care what they think, it's what I think that's important."

"but what if they challenge your manhood?"

"They won't."

"What makes you think so?"

"They know better."

"I see, your reputation proceeds you."

"You might say that." As cool as a cucumber

"I see."

The doctor lit a cigarette and looked into space.

"So John, do you have any more desire to injure yourself?"

"No not at all, I just want to get back to my cell and my books."

"Okay John, I'm gonna give you a shot, but we'll be keeping a close eye on you and I'm going to see you again in three days, ok?"

"All right Bert, I appreciate your support."

Then the doctor pushed the button under his desk that buzzed the door and the two officers came in with batons in hand.

"It's alright boys, take the chains off and return him to his cell."

"Yes sir."

And as Childs was returned to the general population, he knew he would soon be amongst his tribe that would worship him and set him free.

Childs thought...

"That was too easy,"

As he walked down the corridor with the two guards to the re-entry gate, he smiled as he thought,

"How to make friends and influence others".

Then the voice came to him,

"Very good, Preacher, very good, soon you will be free."

and he thought, no, he knew his life was about to begin.

The two guards took him to the holding area for release to population, they came up to the first gate and the guard looked up to the camera as he tapped on the bars. The door slid open on its steel wheels and slammed then silence fully opened. The three men stepped through and the electric door slammed shut behind them.

Now that they were in the holding area between two locked prison doors, one of the guards made a signal to the camera and the red light that indicates it's on went black.

Childs knew what was coming, but he didn't care, because he knew it would be the last time and soon they would pay

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