16th Jan 2014


I sit on my couch flicking through the TV bored. I’m in Bradford at my parents place. I think back to the day when Zayn told me he liked me. After storming out of the restaurant I’d gone straight to my apartment and packed and left for Bradford. Zayn tried calling me that day a couple of times but I didn’t respond. He’d left few messages & voice mail all of which said the same thing- that he was sorry and wanted to talk. I was too pissed to reply to any of his messages so I’d switched off my phone. And it was off since then. Now here I was sitting in the comfort of my home, flicking mindlessly through the channels. My mum and Dad were out meeting friends. I hadn’t met Ryan as I still hadn’t figured out what to tell him. My phone being off was actually a good thing because I got time to think about what to tell him. As far as Zayn was concerned, I don’t think I’d be seeing him again ever I thought.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I heard the door bell ring. It was just 8pm and mum and dad wouldn’t be returning till after dinner. I wondered who it could be as I got up from the comfortable couch and walked to the front door. I opened the door to find Ryan dressed in a dark blue full sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up and a pair of blue jeans. He held a box of pizza in his hand.

“Hey best mate!!” he happily sang.

“Heyy Ryan” I reply trying to sound happy but it comes out as choked.

“Your dad dropped in this morning he said your home. So I thought of catching up and.. I made pizza” he says as he lifts the box of pizza up.

“Well.. come on in then” I say as I move to the side allowing Ryan to come in. He walks in and I shut the door behind us as I walk back to the hall. I take my seat on the couch and Ryan sits beside me.

“How are you Eliza?” Ryan asks.

The empty box of pizza rests on the centre table. Some old black and white Audrey Hepburn movie is playing on the TV. I’m sitting with my legs up on the couch and Ryan is relaxed beside me with his hand extended behind me over the couch. We’d been sitting this way in silence until now.

“Good” I say as I force a smile and look at him. He stares back at me and unable to hold his gaze I turn my eyes back on the TV screen.

“Stop lying to me, I’m your best friend.. your phone’s off & your holed up here since 3 days. If it hadn’t been for your dad I wouldn’t have even known that your back home.... Eliza what’s wrong? Your family is also worried about your changed behaviour.”

“It’s nothing Ryan really..all the college work & stuff..! I’m just .. I think I’m just tired” I retort a bit rudely.

He looks at me and sighs but decides to let the subject slip away for the time being.

“So how are things at your end?” I ask chirpily trying to change the topic.

“Not bad.. I was set up on a blind date” he grins.

“No way! How was it?” I smirk.

“Umm.. disaster” he grimaces “ she kept talking and talking about her school, her college, her high school sweetheart Stuart, about her friend Betty etc”

“Wow! She seems interesting” I tease him as I get up to throw the box of pizza & head into the kitchen. Ryan just rolls his eyes.

I shove the box into the trash can and then walk to the sink to wash my hands.

“So what was her name?” I yell out to Ryan.

“Kara” he responds in a bored tone.

“Nice.. so you gonna see her again?” I ask absentmindedly.

“Guess not.. I’m still waiting remember?” he replies.

As soon as those words leave his mouth I remember it! Ryan is still waiting for my answer...and what am I going to tell him!! I think back to all the great times I’ve had with him, since school, he was always there for me when I needed him. He’s an amazing person, generous, selfless, sweet, kind, with a heart of gold. An awesome friend. And suddenly the answer I’m searching for since so long, crash lands in my brain—Ryan he’s my bestfriend but he’ll always be my bestfriend. I can’t think of him in any other way. And now that I know the answer to his question and I’m confident about it no way am I gonna lead him on. So I head out of the kitchen, determined to give Ryan his answer.

“Uh.. Ryan..about that..” I trail off as I enter the hall & watch Ryan’s eyes glued to the TV screen.

I turn to see what’s got him so engrossed and freeze. One Direction is on TV and not just that, they are having some show somewhere. And in the background is a massive picture of me and Zayn, one which we had clicked in the hospital, both of us are grinning wide. Zayn in his full sleeved grey tee with his hand slung around my neck & I’m wearing Zayn’s “I’M THE DUDE” white hoodie. I grab the remote from Ryan’s hand and increase the volume.

“So guys! Each one of you must be wondering who’s this..” Zayn’s voice booms out as he points towards the picture behind.

“She’s a very special person for me.. Her name’s Eliza” he continues. I can see the other lads too waiting at the side while Zayn continues his mini speech at the centre of the stage.

“But now.. she’s really angry on me because of something very stupid I did! So please guys convince her to forgive me” he continues

The camera zooms onto Zayn and he looks into the camera and continues speaking.

“So Eliza, if your seeing this..I’d just like to tell you.. I’m really sorry. Please just talk to me once! This next song .. it’s for you babe..!!”

There is complete silence in the room as I and Ryan stare at the screen. None of us talk or move. The boys start singing the song.

“I keep playing inside my head,

All that you said to me,

I lie awake just to convince myself,

This wasn’t just a dream.

Cuz you were right here and I should have taken the chance.

But I got so scared and I lost the moment again.

It’s all that I can think about,

Your all that I can think about.”

Zayn walks to the center of the stage as he starts singing.

“Is your heart taken?

Is there somebody else on your mind?

I’m so sorry I’m so confused,

Just tell me am I out of time?

Is your heart breaking?

How do you feel about me now?

I can’t believe I let you walk away when I should’ve kissed you”

My mind shuts down completely realizing that I’m on national television! Zayn Malik is singing a song for me! Millions of people are watching this live! This could actually be something that I dreamed for had the situation been any different.. Or it could even be an amazing plot for a Wattpad story! But this is my life and its happening for real! Suddenly a mix of emotions surge through me. Rage, irritation, confusion & even a little bit of happiness.  Unable to watch anymore I switch off the TV and walk into my room.

I plop down on the side of the bed and hold my hands to my head, closing my eyes & massaging the temples as I feel a headache arriving. I look up when I feel someone standing by the doorway. Ryan’s leaning by the door looking at me. I smile at him weakly. He walks and takes a seat beside me.

“I’m sorry you had to see that” I apologize as I look down.

“Hey you don’t need to apologize.. It’s not your fault” he says as he drapes a hand around my shoulders and pulls me close. I lean my head on his shoulder and we sit there in silence for God knows how long.


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:) z :)

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