With Every Single Beat of My Heart

Five

"And this is what you want? To marry me?"

Ben spun around, throwing his arms down in frustration. "YES!"

"WHY?" It was a straight-up demand. Angry and shattered, with tears running down his face. "Why would you want to marry me?"

"Why?" Ben mimicked. "Are you joking? Why would I want to marry you?"

Ben had dozens of reasons he could list. Joe was funny and clever and wonderful. He made Ben feel so many different things. Joy, and wonderful, and anger, and worry. Ben didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone else until Joe came along. He taught him so much about himself and the world around him.

Even when he finished with their court-ordered community service, he still went to the hospital. Still put in the effort to make those kids smile day chance he got. He kept up his job at the cafe even after his mother had Tom reinstate his credit cards and a monthly allowance.

He was a grown adult and he didn't want to be taken care of. Instead, he wanted to take care of someone else. He wanted to take care of Joe. In every way, he possibly could.

    He hadn't suggested it early mostly due to his own self-loathing. They had only been together for a few months, barely a year and each day was better than the next, even with their bad times.

    Ben didn't think of marriage because he never thought of it as an option for him. He wasn't boyfriend material, so what the hell made him worthy of being a husband?

    But the truth was Ben knew he was a good boyfriend to Joe. He cared about him more than he could put into words. He wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. And if getting married also helped medically, then that was just another added reason.

    No way in hell was it the only reason.

Moving closer, Ben took Joe's face in his hands. He forced him to look forward, to keep his eye contact despite the tears slipping down both their faces.

"I want to marry you because I love you. Because I want to take care of you. I want us to have a future Joe. I want to for us."

"I can't offer you anything."

"You've already given me enough!" Ben muttered heavily. They had a life together. A home. Frankie. What more could Ben need? "I love you and I will always love you. You are not broken. But I can't do this anymore. You have pushed me away again and again, and if that is what you want, then fine."

He released Joe from his hold, backing away from him slowly. He wanted Joe to reach out and grab him, to pull him back in so they could kiss and embrace and pretend this fight never happened, but he wouldn't.

Joe made his decision. He made his choice.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Joe muttered.

They weren't supposed to meet. They weren't supposed to fall in love. Joe was content with the hand he had been given. He was ready to go whenever the universe was ready to take him, but things changed now. Now he had something to live for.

"It did happen. And now the choice is yours."

Ben knew he would never stop fighting for this, for them, but for how much longer did he have to scream into the void.

When Ben left, he didn't know if he would ever hear from Joe again. He spent the night thinking that it was over between them and Joe was going to go back to his life before Ben came into it. Staying locked away in his bedroom without any plans for the future.

Instead, he found Joe sitting on the stoop of their loft. His eyes were red from crying and he was sitting with his chin on his knees, his arms wrapped around his leg. Ben didn't know how long he had been there waiting.

"I'm never going to love myself the way you love me. I'm never going to think I am good enough. For you or this life, you want us to have." Joe told him quietly as he pushed to stand up. "But I love you. And I want to be selfish for once."

He knelt to the ground, reaching up to take Ben's hand. "Are you joking? Are you seriously going to steal my thunder?"

"In my defense, you didn't kneel when you asked," Joe told him.

Ben rolled his eyes, holding onto Joe's hand. "You wouldn't even let me! You kept cutting me off."

"Well, now I am down here. It's a nice view." He lowered his gaze to Ben's waist. The blond rolled his eyes once more, tugging the brunet to stand again.

"Bloody pain in my ass, you know that?" He muttered, swooping in to kiss Joe relentlessly.

They got married a week later. His mum was a little sad that they didn't have a huge party or celebration, but Ben didn't care in the least. All that mattered was that they were moving forward. Their suits of choice were dashing and they invited all the people closest to them.          They skipped the usual wedding march and chose to go with the Elvis original. It had been used before, but it fits them perfectly. Falling in love couldn't be helped, especially for them.

Frankie was their flower girl, with a little flower headband and a basket of daisy's in her mouth as she padded over. They stood before one another, saying their promises.

Ben was quick to remove the whole "til death do us part" section and instead replaced it with the unique little twist: for as long as our love shall last.

It was perfect for them. Their rings weren't anything flashy or showy, but Ben loved them endlessly. Joe had picked them out, having found them in a store close to the hospital. When they slid them on and kissed in front of everyone Ben didn't hold back. He kissed his husband with all the love and passion a newly wedded man could muster.

They danced in front of everybody but that didn't matter. When they looked in each other's eyes it felt like they were the only ones in the room.

Ben had chosen the song for their first dance. A sweet little acoustic that made Joe blush and smile. They danced with their mothers and pulled dear Tom into the mix. They shoved cake into one another faces and just had a good time.

Ben took them to California for a week, specifically to Universal Studios. Joe was in absolute heaven and Ben knew this was a good place for them to be. A good place for Joe to be.

Joe kept on writing and Ben stood by him, wanting him to do everything he dreamed of. Over time, Ben found that Joe had stopped being such a cynic and slowly started acting like a regular guy with dreams and things he wanted to pursue. It wouldn't be easy, but Ben was determined to stand by his name and make all his wildest imaginations come true.

Tom was right when he said that by marrying Joe, the brunet would be able to go under his insurance. A whole new world of possibilities opened up. New doctors. New ideas. Money controlled everything and Ben was proud of that. He wasn't going to shy away from his wealth.

For his wedding gift, he bought Joe a bass guitar, something he always wanted to learn to play. Joe normally hated when Ben would show off his money and flood him with all different gifts, but he was happy to accept this one. His husband was a natural at it and Ben found himself happier than ever.