Saving the Savage (Bam Margera Fanfiction)

Define "Hospitality"

~~Astrid gets her own little POV in this one, Can't let Ry have all the fun can I?~~

~Astrid's POV~

I woke up unsure of where I was. I was laying in a massive four-poster bed big enough for four people in a room that was relatively clean aside from the massive amount of boxes stacked on the right side of the room. There was a loud thumping going on outside the room and a quick shout of "Bam you ASS!" before I realized I was at Ryan's-well, Bam's house.

"Sh'yeah!"

"Bring it on you useless pirate!" That must have been Radio- well, I guess she was Rikki now. I sighed and rolled out of the bed, opening the door and coming face to face with a disaster area. Rikki was standing on the dining room table brandishing a sword at a guy who looked a lot like Jack Sparrow from that pirate movie as the two of them were dressed as what else, pirates. Bam and Ryan were in the living room, Bam dancing on top of the couch with Ryan's underpants in his hands, while a really big dark-haired guy threw a smaller guy down on what looked like a trampoline down the stairs. 

"Morning Astrid!" Bam shouted from his position at the top of the couch before whistling to Rikki, who stuck two fingers in her mouth and let out an ear-splittingly loud whistle, the doors around the house flying open as more people poured out of their rooms, most in their pajamas. Quite a few were famous faces, one room featuring an entire group of men I knew as Fall Out Boy, the one just beside them with four heads poked out, belonging to members of Panic! at the Disco.

"Come on ya lazy good for nothing rich people, we got company!" Ryan shouted, and at the word "company" everyone bolted into the living room.

"Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz put on your clothes." Rikki said, hand over her eyes as the guy bolted upstairs. "Ryan, if ya would?"

"Okay people! Astrid here is an old friend of Bam, Rikki and I, so the rules are as follows."

"Clothes while she's visiting, contrary to my wife and children's beliefs, we do not live in a nudist colony." Bam said, glaring at Pete who had returned in his pajama pants.

"If you hit on her, I'll end you. Bam does own a sword." Rikki said, glancing at a dark haired guy in the corner and coughing. "Novak."

"For the love of god, if you're going to perform an impromptu concert, boys of HIM, FOB, Panic! or Bloodhound Gang, don't do it at three in the morning. Bam, that goes for you and Gnarkill too."

"But!"

"No buts, once was enough." Ryan said, Bam frowning. "Thus are the rules of the castle. carry on." I chuckled as everyone looked at each other and took off, many out the door, a few downstairs and still more sitting in front of the TV. 

"Does this happen often?" I asked, Bam shrugging.

"Only when the kids are at pre-school."

"Yeah, otherwise it's pretty tame." Rikki answered before grabbing the sword again and waving it at Pirate guy. "Walk the plank Valo!" Ryan shoved Bam off the back of the couch and took his ruined underwear back, Bam falling down in a pile of limbs.

"Shiiiiiiiiit."

"Johnny? What are you doing back here?" Bam asked, Johnny Knoxville dragging himself out from behind the couch.

"See, Tay had to go to the sotre, and she took the twins so I used the spare key and decided to visit."

"So your immediate thought was to sleep behind our couch?"

"Yeah. Jimmy was the only one who noticed me but he was so drunk last night he didn't pay attention." I sighed and looked around, this was like high school all over again only with grown adults with more time and even more money.

"Bam."

"Yes dear?"

"Got a meeting with the Sirus radio people, see you later tonight. And Bam, don't trash the house."

"Yes ma'am." I laughed and made a whip sound effect, Bam glaring. "Not funny."

"No, it's pretty funny." Ryan said, Bam jumping off the couch and onto his back. "Dude!"

"Okay, I'm going. Valo!"

"Yes?"

"You're in charge. Queen Rikki, out." Rikki grabbed her car keys off the counter and walked out the door.

"Bam-Bam." I turned to look at Valo, who was smiling at Bam and Ryan, the two of them fighting in the floor.

"Occupado! Ryan you bastard get your teeth out of my arm!" Bam shouted, yanking his arm backward and kicking Ryan.

"Ow! I give!"

"I actually won one? WOOHOO!" Bam jumped off the ground and into the air, celebrating by himself for a few minutes before flopping backward onto a couch. "Yes?"

"You realize that no one has introduced themselves to our lovely house guest."

"Watch it finland!" Valo smiled and put up his hands, Ryan squinting at him. "I'm watching you."

"Oh right. Astro, Valo, Valo, Astro."

"Pleasure." Valo shook my hand and then returned to his position on the dining room table, drinking and waving Rikki's sword.

"You too."

"You know Raab, Dico, Novak, Glomb, Rake and of course Me and Ryan." Everyone Bam named waved their hands, their faces familiar as they were classmates or members of the CKY crew. "The nidiots in the kitchen are Panic! at the Disco. Brendon, Ryan, Spencer and Jon." Again, the four waved, only this time from behind the door of the fridge. "Moron's playing on the trampoline are the Bloodhound Boys Jimmy Pop and Jared Hasselhoff, along with two of the Dudesons, Jarppi and Jukka." The people jumping on the floor near the bar waved, the two blond men diving off the trampoline and directly into a wall. "The Dudesons are crazy. Finally, Fall Out Boy! Attention!" Four more guys jumped off the balcony and onto the couch, sitting down in perfect order beside Ryan on the couch. "Okay. Astrid, Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy."

"Or as I call them, Bam 2, Chicago, Big Joe as there are two, and Jess squared." Ryan said, Pete batting his eyes at him. I laughed and looked around, the vast number of people making my head almost spin.

"Wait, so all these people live here?" I asked, Bam shaking his head as Johnny ran downstairs to mess with the Dudesons at the bar.

"No, most are just here through Christmas before dissapearing for their tours, and the rest have their own places but I don't charge rent so they probably would live here."

"Wait, no rent?"

"Nope, none." I thought for a second, I was hardly making enough money to keep my crappy downtown apartment and feed myself, was I really willing to deal with bands, finnish people and various hi-jinks for rent free housing and the chance to hang out with Ryan and the others from our old crew? "Why, are you considering it?"

"Well maybe, that is if you'll have me."

"Astro, you're always welcome. Novak!"

"Yeah?"

"Move your shit in with Raab. Astro's getting your room."

"But-"

"Two thousand dollars and the purple Gallardo for a whole week." Novak nodded and ran for the stairs, Bam stepping up on the dining room table. "Listen up citizens of Kingdom Margera!"

"Kingdom Margera?"

"Hey, Rick's naame is on the lease now so it really isn't just 'Castle Bam.' don't question me Stump." Bam said, Patrick shrugging. "Anyway! Astrid's gonna be moving in with us. Dunn, Glomb, Help her pack and get moved into Novak's old room. The rest of ya, get ready to show her the hospitality we're known for." I leaned over to Ryan and whispered.

"What does he mean by hospitality?"

"Hazing. A week of Hazing hell. Patrick barely survived. The Dudesons passed with flying colors, but again, crazy."

"You'll protect me, right?"

"Me and you versus the rest of these demented and horrible people? Sure." Ryan smiled and put an arm around my shoulders, Bam continuing with orders and grandstanding. What did I just sign up for?