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This story is soon coming to an end....

L O U I S   P O V

I can't anymore.
I'm done with life.
I can't live like this anymore.

The voices in my head telling me to die are getting louder and louder.
I'm so selfish for wanting to make myself happy, but I have to do this.
If I want to be happy, this is my only chance.

I know I'm going to leave so many people I love, and two of them even love me.
I know I'm leaving the love of my life, Harry. And three of my best friends. But they'll manage. They have eachother.

I pick up my phone, taking a picture of the view infront of me. My hands shaking. But I don't even care.

I don't know why, but it's so modern now to just hide your feelings. It's terrible but I do it too. I used to be able to laugh I was that good at acting, huh, i guess that acting course I took was  useful...

I caption my post with, "fuck it. Bye. Hope you miss me."

Instantly I see supportive comments flow in. And from my friends.
Yeah. I'm going to miss them. But there's more hope for me in the sky than there is on earth... who knows, I might see my mum again.... right?

All I know is that I'll be happier than I am right now.

It's 23.54 and I want to die at 00.00 exactly.
So I pull out my phone again, to call Harry, or well his voicemail, because he's asleep. But that's the plan. I'll tell him where my phone is so he can keep it, he'll just not have me with it.

I pre-recorded a video for him to find, I deleted the password on my phone, and the first thing you see when you turn it on is one last suicide letter to all of the boys.

I call Harry's number, and wait for the voicemail to start.

'Hazza bear is not available right now, please leave a message after the tone.'

"Hi Haz." I sniffle.
"It's me Lou... I mean, you know that but yeah... heh."
"I just came to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a disappointment to you and all of our friends. To Niall, Liam, and Zayn. I know you all love me, because I would be blind not to see it. But i have to do this, I can't live on like this. I can't live life pretending  to be happy. It's just impossible." I take a deep, shakey breath as I look at the time. 23.56
"I'm so so so sorry that I'm doing this to you, but please don't be too hurt. I know it will hurt but you'll get over it. You and the boys all have eachother, and now you'll have an even amount of friends, where there isn't always that one friend that gets picket last or is the easiest to beat at everything, because that was me."
"I'm so sorry for everything I did to you to make you sad. I'm sorry for all I've done you wrong and I'm sorry if I ever hurt you."

I take one last shaken breath.

"My phone and necklace are on the roof of our apartments. The phone is unlocked, and please just open It and open the notes. It's for all of you: Liam, Zayn, Niall, and you.
I hope you don't hate me too much."

"I love you so, so fucking much, please keep going after this, and I don't want you to stop your career. I want you to do this. Thank you Harry."

End call

I carefully place my phone down on the roof, and take my friendship necklace that Harry got me for my birthday off, and place it on my phone.

Slowly I walk up to the edge of the building.
I stand on the slightly highered brick layer, and take a last good look at the City called London. At the dark blue sky, filled with hopeful stars.
I look down, making sure there's no one on the road close to the water into which I plan jumping.
I turn around, take one last look at my apartment building, and let my tears take over. They're now cascading down my face onto the bricks below my feet.
I hear the clock sound.
I jump.

Goodbye forever.

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