affinity ; gawsten

ten

"What?"

"Awsten-"

"Really." Awsten pushes against the wall and molds his body into a sitting position. His face twists, eyes screwed shut, and he breathes out heavily. "Fuck."

"Ri, there's ice in the freezer, can you-"

"On it."

"What? No, I'm- I'm fine," Awsten struggles to say. Geoff can feel his heart cracking. Awsten's voice is shooting daggers, pushing and pulverizing what's left of the muscle. He feels the pain in his chest, a burn that's waking up more and more and starting to spread.

"It'll help. Promise." Rian hands an icepack to Alex, who holds it out for Awsten. "Come on. You want this."

"He's not a-abusing me," Awsten repeats quietly. He sounds as shaky as he looks, gaze darting from Alex and Rian to Geoff in rapid succession, lingering and focusing in on Geoff at the last second. Eventually, he accepts the ice pack and gingerly presses it against his abdomen, but doesn't look away. "He just gets angry s-sometimes. It's not a big d-deal."

"He blew cigarette smoke in your face," he hears himself say. His chest is burning, red and white and hot, all at the same time. He can't see anything else. It's a fire that just seems to keep building, sparking and rushing through his entire body, lighting places of previous peace into panic and pulling every idle nerve into the pile. He can't escape it. Redwhitehotredwhitehotredwhite-

"Geoff." Alex's voice is soft, from behind. He whips around to look at him. "Relax, okay? You can't freak out."

"But-" He doesn't get it. Alex is being way too calm about this. Awsten's getting beaten, getting punched and kicked and hurt, black eyes and busted lips and ribs that must be permanently bruised by now. What the fuck is wrong with you he needs help why aren't we fucking helping him he needs to get out of this he's hurt Will is actually fucking hurting him why aren't you more angry about this what the fuck-

A hand clamps down on his shoulder, and then Alex speaks again, a whisper, dangerously close to his ear. "I know. Believe me. It's bad and he needs to get out sooner, rather than later. But he loves him and he's scared and you won't change any of that by rushing him into something he isn't ready for."

"Alex, I-"

"Let me do this, Geoff. Please."

Geoff bites down on his tongue as Alex takes a step forward. He stands there for a few moments, looking at Awsten but not saying anything. Awsten blinks and avoids his gaze, turns to his lap or to the side and even makes eye contact with Geoff at one point. He shifts away almost immediately, and Geoff sighs.

You fucked this up.

He's not gonna trust you ever again.

This was too much for him and you fucking knew it.

"-hurt, and you shouldn't be," Alex is saying. "That's not what a relationship is. That's not what love is. It's not supposed to hurt, Awsten."

"He's just stressed." Awsten's voice is shaking so badly. Geoff wants to go over and hug him. He's so small against the lounge couch, curled up into himself, knees pulled tightly into his chest and arms crossed over them. "I promise. It's n-not always like t-this."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"And we can't just leave you like this," Rian adds. He joins Alex, further up a few steps, and winds an arm around his shoulder. "We won't."

"I-it was just a one t-time thing, o-okay." He can hear Awsten's breathing start to speed up again. He winces and presses deeper into his tongue. He wants to go over there so bad, wrap Awsten up into his arms and squeeze until it all feels okay again, until his problems surge up and out of him like running water, like squeezing out a paint-stained rag until the oozing liquid is clear, untainted.