No Sex Please, I'm Asexual

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As I previously said, I'm grey asexual. If you don't know what that means or want to better understand, this is the chapter for you. If you're one of those ignorant types who doesn't believe in asexuality, then scroll to the next chapter please and keep your opinion to yourself. Thank you.

Let me just say that asexuality has nothing to do with being an introvert. Extroverts can be asexual. Anyone can be asexual. You can be straight, gay or pan and still asexual.

Ok, so, what is an asexual?

In brief:

Someone who does not experience sexual attraction, or who experiences sexual attraction in limited circumstances.

First, we need to define what sexual attraction actually is.

It's a desire for sexual activity with someone (or multiple persons). It is not to be confused with romantic attraction, which is the desire for romantic activity with someone else (kisses, cuddles, hand holding etc).

A good many people can't seperate sexual attraction from romantic attraction. If they find someone physically attractive, they have a desire for both romance and sex. That's how alot of people experience attraction.

But the two are different things even if you experience both together.

An asexual person might feel neither of them, for anyone, ever. Or they might feel romantic attraction but never sexual attraction. Or they might experience romantic attraction with most of their crushes, and it never develops into sexual attraction, except, unexpectedly, with one person, or just a few, in their lifetime.

Asexuality has a spectrum.

One asexual might never ever feel attracted to another human. Yet another asexual feels romantic attraction, but not sexual. And yet another asexual feels romantic *and* sexual attraction, but only under certain circumstances. They are all asexual. It's not a yes or no thing.

Are you with me?

If not, I'll try to explain what I mean by "certain circumstances".

Some asexuals do not feel any kind of sexual attraction until they have developed a strong emotional bond with a partner. They need to feel emotionally attached, to greatly care about, or love, their partner before any desire for sex occurs.

This is not to be confused with someone deciding not to have sex until within a relationship, or within marriage. That is a personal decision made for all sorts of reasons (religious beliefs, moral beliefs or wanting to protect yourself from a partner who might just use you for sex.) You can make the decision not to sleep with a partner even though you feel sexual attraction towards them. You might want to jump into bed with them, but decide not to, for any of those reasons above. You can ignore your physical arousal and desires out of choice.

A grey asexual person is not making that choice, they literally do not feel that arousal or sexual desire until after their emotions have reached a certain level, or they've fallen in love. It's not a decision.

This is also known as being demisexual. It's part of the asexual spectrum. No, it's not just "normal". "Everyone wants sex after emotions have developed. People who have one night stands are just sluts"
That's wrong on both accounts.
Some people are able to feel sexual attraction purely off physical attraction alone. They can look at someone, think they look hot, and that is enough to feel a desire for sex.  They can act on that desire, or they can wait, either decision is their choice. A demisexual person does not feel that desire at all purely from physical appearance. It doesn't happen until an emotional bond has developed.

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