day five, four am.

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i used to bite my nails when i was little.

after being scolded way too many times, i had figured out a way to relieve my stress that didn't include tearing off pieces of my nails with my teeth. and thus, my very annoying foot tapping habit had begun.

i could tell it was annoying, by the way jungkook kept putting his hand on my leg to attempt to stop me. i would pretend the simple touch didn't bother me, hiding my blushing cheeks with strands of hair and stopped for a few seconds. however, as soon as his hand was away, it would come back.

i didn't mean to be an inconvenience to him, especially when he was having what could possibly be one of the most important calls of his life. on the other side of the line, his friend kim namjoon was instructing him on how to act in order to get himself out of this mess.

granted, it had been more than a few minutes of yelling on the other side first. it was the first time i had seen jungkook almost... submissive. he was taking every single thing the other had been saying without fighting back. maybe he knew the other was right, or maybe he didn't have the strength to fight back just yet.

i looked at him over my shoulder. i had helped him lie down on my bed, covered him with blankets to keep him warm as i sat by him. it had taken me a bit of going back and forth with him to convince him to stay the night, that he wasn't strong enough to get in his car and drive. besides, it was more than likely that at least one security camera had caught his car, and if he went on the road, they could easily catch him.

i felt like the conversation he was having was too private for me to listen to. however, i didn't want to leave his side. after everything that had happened, i was constantly alert, watching as he moved even for the slightest inch, afraid my terrible sutures would finally give in and he'd be a bleeding mess all over again. instead, i pretended not to listen to everything, focusing on tapping my foot on the ground.

"can you come back? in the morning, i think i need to rest tonight," he spoke, his voice as calm as i'd ever heard it. "i'll be fine. i'm not alone, miyeon's here with me. yes, the girl you met. she knows."

i sent him a reassuring smile and a nod. i wanted him to know it was okay for him to stay and sleep for the night, and that i wouldn't go anywhere.

"okay," he nodded, even though the other couldn't see it. "goodnight, hyung."

he ended the call, handing me my phone back. setting it on the nightstand, i fully turned to him, legs crossing. "so, how'd it go?"

"he's mad," jungkook sighed. "i don't blame him. he knows what happened, but he's disappointed i took this route. if i'm being honest, i'm disappointed in myself too. i've thrown my life away."

my eyes softened as i watched his expression. he was tired, but there was something about him that told me it wasn't just from the events of the previous five days. he was also tired of all the feelings he had dealt with for a year, and disappointed that his revenge didn't seem to make those go away.

"i believed him when he said he could help," i spoke, trying to offer him some solace. "i'm sure he knew back then what was happening, and he still said he could. so maybe you should try and believe that too."

jungkook smiled, the kind of smile that didn't reach his eyes. "i wish i could be as positive as you are."

i didn't reply, instead reached out for his hand and held it in mine. we spent a few minutes like that, my hand lacing with his as my thumb traced the back of his hand.

"i haven't thanked you," he spoke up, his voice a mere whisper. "for everything you've done for me."

"any decent human being wouldn't let you bleed to death, jungkook," i chuckled, trying to avoid the images that flashed in my mind from when he got to the motel.

"not just that," he shook his head, sitting up slightly. i audibly gasped, his sudden movement causing me to tense up as i once again eyed his stitches, which thankfully remained intact. "for being a light in a world i deemed to be all darkness."

his words were cryptic, and i hadn't pegged him for someone to say something almost phylosofical. i wanted to know what he meant, but he beat me to it.

"you're the first person to make me smile and actually mean it, in a whole year," he began. "and even though these past days have been some of my worst, whenever i walked in through those doors and i saw you, that red hair all over the place and a smile that could take an angel's breath away, you made me forget i was in hell. you gave me a bit of happiness back. so, thank you for that."

i was speechless. he had certainly been someone i'd remember for the rest of my life, and our time together, however short, had been one of the most exciting times of my life. even now, that i knew what he had done and why he had done it, i still couldn't bring myself to hate him. because i knew, he too had given me a bit of happiness back.

"you're going soft on me," i sniffed, trying my hardest to hold the tears back as i believed i'd never heard something as beautiful being directed to me.

he let out a laugh, holding on to his side as his nose scrunched up in pain. i leaned over, about to scold him for once again stretching his stitches when he pressed his finger against my lips. "shh, no scolding me, i know. don't make me laugh next time."

i looked at him, face relaxing at his words. i couldn't help but worry about him, and it was bothering me just how much i did.

"then don't say things like that, don't make me care for you even more, it's not fair," the words slipped from my lips.

he was taken aback, his expression apprehensive before a smile took its place on his lips. "you care about me?"

i would've slapped that knowing smirk off his face, had it been any other day under any other situation. but i couldn't. not this time.

because he was right.

"i do," i admitted, which once again surprised him.

it was as if the atmosphere changed around us. suddenly it wasn't so playful, suddenly it wasn't cute banter and random scolding. suddenly, he had pulled me on his lap and a gasp was exiting my lips.

"jungkook, your stitch--"

"i don't care," he spoke, his hand tracing the side of my neck while his other arm wrapped around my waist. "i wanted to have you close to me."

his gaze was so intense, it could almost burn holes to the back of my skull. and i found myself unable to resist him. my fingers traced his jaw before they locked in his hair.

"can i ask you something?" he said, his thumb caressing my jaw. he didn't wait for an yes, he simply asked. "were you going to kiss me by the pool?"

i bit down on my bottom lip. he remembered, and he could tell what had happened. my cheeks heated up, and i tried to avoid answering him.

"were you trying to kiss me in the kitchen?" i asked back.

his face moved closer to mine, and i could feel his breath on my cheek as he did.

"did you want me to?" he whispered, goosebumps arising on my neck.

"yes," i finally admitted, answering both of his questions.

"good," was all he said before he pressed his lips firmly against mine.


author's note

are there any awards around for the worst writer on wattpad?? sign me tf up for leaving you guys, the best readers ever, hanging for so long.

school has been the worst and i have almost no life, much less time or inspiration to write. but! here's a fresh chapter for you guys. hopefully it'll help a bit.

ily all sm, thank you for reading and voting and commenting! even if i never reply to them, i always read all of your comments. so keep on leaving them for me to read!

(also, has this ship finally sailed? yes or yes?)

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