People are suspicious of those who are quiet. When someone isn't telling you their thoughts and feelings out loud, how do we know what they are really thinking? They must be up to something.
One of my friends was told by her mother-in-law that it wasn't normal to spend so much time by herself, away from others, it's weird. "You're so quiet, it's not good to spend time with your thoughts like that, not normal."
Introverts enjoy thinking. We think about alot of things. We put the world to right in our heads. There are some people who feel uncomfortable when left to their own thoughts, but perhaps that shows their issues need addressing rather than ignored.
There's nothing suspicious about being quiet, as my friend's mother-in-law seemed to think. We are not plotting world domination (muwhaha). We aren't secretly thinking bad things about you just because we aren't speaking. We aren't bored by you, we *are* listening, we *do* care.
I, for one, only want to say something if it improves the silence. I don't want to fill the void with nonsense because I am uncomfortable with silence. I can talk the hind legs off a donkey if the topic is something I'm passionate about (women's rights, my favourite films, Colin O'Donoghue *wistful sigh*).
...where was I? Oh, yeah.
You'll have heard on the news about some criminal or other who was described as a loner, he never really talked to us much, spent alot of time indoors (he probably listened to rock and metal music too so he must have been a satanist). This behaviour then draws suspicion, and the innocent get given slinty eyed doubt from their neighbours who wonder if the man next door is building a bomb or has butchered his wife and buried her in the garden. The UK police even encourage people to report suspicious behaviour that might indicate terrorism. What that "suspicious behaviour" is they haven't really specified. Unless you see your neighbour having a shed load of industrial acid delivered, or a truck load of nails and semtex, it's hard to say if he's building a bomb in his basement or just a toy train enthusiast with his railway down there in the cellar.
On the other hand, you hear witnesses on the news talking about their convicted neighbour like, "he didn't look anything like a killer." Is a killer supposed to look a certain way? Slinty eyes, an evil laugh, a bag over his shoulder with SWAG written on it and a knife in his hand? Or perhaps he had MURDERER stamped on his forehead?
You'll usually find that murderers are just like you and me. They look like us, talk like us, act like us. They get driven to kill by anger, jealousy, fear; all feelings we've felt. But that's frightening, to think we could possibly become a killer too, given the right situation. So it's easier to see them as monsters. Pyschopaths are evil.
Pyschopaths do unquestionably evil things but I wouldn't say they were evil people. They have a fault in their brains which means they can't feel empathy. Empathy stops us from commiting harm, it helps us care about others. When the part of your brain that controls empathy doesn't work correctly, there's not much to stop you stabbing your spouse when you have an argument, or poisoning thousands of people because of their race.
It's scientific fact that pyschopaths aren't born to be killers. When a traumatic event happens to them in childhood, they suffer abuse or grow up with unloving parents, their low-empathy brains can't handle it and thus they become criminals. Hitler grew up with a father who thought his son was weak and unmanly because he had an interest in art. Many serial killers often have issues with their mothers. These issues don't *make* serial killers, but those born with pyscopathy are deeply affected by these events. If brought up in a loving, supportive home, pyschopaths are legitimate members of society. They are drawn to careers in finance, politics, science, medicine. Lots of bankers, surgeons and those who work in emergency services are pyschopaths. They will never go on to murder. Their low empathy helps them stay calm in crisis, and helps distance them from their work, which certainly helps if you are a surgeon working with a human body or see devasting events every day.
These people are not loners. They take part in society. They are often very charming and convincing. Even a serial killer is more likely to be the charming guy next door who stops to chat than the loner who avoids people.
Movies and TV have portrayed villains with black clothes and dark hair for decades. In the original books, Milady de Winter and Dorian Gray are both blonde and angelic looking, not dark haired and Gothic looking. Fictional villains do not accurately portray criminals. The judgements we make based on how people look and how they behave are entirely misguided.
Next time somebody says to you "you're quiet, what's up?" Reply, "I'm just contemplating how best to kill you."
No, no, no, don't do that, I'm joking, I'm joking.
You could tell them "Nothing's wrong. I merely don't have anything important to say right now."
Or just tell them you're thinking of pizza. Mmmm pizza.
Have you ever been accused of something just because you're quiet? Share your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to hear from you!
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Thoughts on life, the universe and everything through the eyes of an introvert. Ideas on misconceptions, society pressures, and the very real struggle of life itself, written by an introverted thinker with a wattpad account. Thoughtful? You bet Funn...