Chapter 19

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Suicidal | Jaiden

"And it's hella cute when you talk like that. I've never noticed."I rolled my eyes and got up slowly.

"Where are you going?"He asked me and I stretch my arms up.

"I'll go get a snack. I'm starting to get hungry."I smiled and he chuckled getting up from the chair.

I heard the bell ring and frown. I guess it's over. And I need to go to class.

"Might as well get it during last period, come on we should go before we get there late."

"I remember I have to turn in a slip at the counselors before I get it to class."I stare at him.

"Your lying because you could get caught,"I told him and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm not! I'll be back. You go to class okay."I nod as he walked away.

I walked to my class and heard laughs. It sounded weird. But I ignored it. I put my earphones on and play music.

"Don't you see, she's just an attention faggot. I don't know why she's living in the first place."

I gulped and kept moving almost to my class. But I couldn't. Those words went through my head and I couldn't handle it.

I heard the late bell ring and I sighed looking at the time on my phone.

"I guess that's why she's a loner, ugly, whore and a snobby bitch."

"Like she could stand a chance with us? She's just a girl that no one liked. Because she is just a nobody."I stare at them walk away arm to arm.

It hurt. Everything felt numb. It was over. First, it's them, then my parents, after that my family. Guess who might be next? I just hope Jin doesn't do the same thing to me.

I walked back and went to the bathroom. I sat and shivered in fear. I saw a blade on the floor and gulped.

No, I'm not doing it again. I can't. I need to stop thinking about this. Get it off me!

Your ugly,

Leave me alone!

Your stupid,

Please just stop it!

You're A burden,

I was created for a reason!

Why don't you die?

That's it.

I grabbed the blade and cut through my wrists. I saw how my old scars are looked upon at. How there show nothing but my skin. Even if I didn't like it.

I didn't even like blood, it's own flesh filled with pain. I didn't want to go through this again. Even if I fought it back along time ago.

But I'm tired of it. And so is my soul that's been captured by the things normally people call hate. I call it pleasures.

I put that blade in my bag safely. I looked at my wrists and stare at them.

What have I done?

The monster inside my head is back. And making me feel so much pain!

Lose the calories, would you?

I can't stop it! I want it to leave!

"Sara!"I heard my name called and I hid my arm with my sleeve.

I wiped my tears and grabbed a mirror to dust off anything. I put it away and got up. I washed my hands and went out to see him running.

"The teacher said you weren't in class, are you good?"I nod with a fake big smile plastered on my face.

"I'm great, I thought I use the restroom. Didn't think I would be this late."I chuckle and he frowned.

"Oh okay, I got you some milk and cookies! I thought you'd like some since you said you were hungry."I gulped and gave him a smile.

He cared.

He cared because you're a loser.

"Thank you, why don't we go to class shall we?"I asked him and he smiled.

I held the stuff he gave me and then stare at it. I smiled a little. He lied just to get these for me. That's so sweet.

You pig, he just gave it to you because your nothing but an attention seeker and how annoying you are.

I closed my eyes and shook it off. I open and drink the strawberry milk. I made it to class and sat sadly.

Now I'm going to get in trouble for tardy. I start doing the notes and feeling guilty.

He brought me this and went looking for me. And what did I do? Sit here and not say anything! I'm so stupid!

Don't forget you're a burden.

I sighed and looked through my notes to add anything else. I didn't feel good. I didn't like how I was going through.

"Choose your partners and choose your item to explore."I heard the teacher and I bit my lip.

I don't feel like doing anything. I'm exhausted. Exhausted about everything.

Just go to hell.

"Why don't we be partners?"Jin asked and I nod seeing him leave to bring a paper.

I wish I could be happy. But everything is coming back. I just want to run away. I've said that a lot but it's true!

"I heard we are having this project till Tuesday. It's about how a bone part. We have to figure out the inner and outer layer of the skin and shit."I nod as he looked at the paper.

"Oh, I need to check this out on my phone."I nod and looked at the paper myself.

What if I didn't have to go through this? If Allah helped me instead of testing me the love he's giving. Allah, please help me!

I just wish this day would be over. It's been so long that it feels like my life has been longer than getting ready for a party or something.

You are dumb.

I already know that, stop! I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of what I've done to myself, because of people, school and my family.

It feels over and I just can't take it already. These voices in my head are so annoying when they come around, once they start, it's hard to take them down. It took me thirteen years. It's going to take longer now.

"Sara, are you listening to me?"I turned to look at Jin and him confused.

"Y...yeah just keep going,"I said and he shook his head working on his own.

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