Chapter 18

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Anxiety | Anna Clendening

Sunday wasn't a blast. My cousins were making fun of me or hating on me. And everyone else was just being rude.

I would sit alone trying not to cry while my aunt told me to go hang out with them. When I knew they would want me to stay back.

It was amazing. And I know my parents don't remember when my birthday was. They haven't said late happy birthday either from my last year birthday. And not even a gift during eid of last year.

I just came walking to school seeing Mary on her phone typing. I got here a few minutes ago. The bus ride was tiring since I fell asleep twice. Jin wasn't there. He rode to school since he worked to get a car. And I didn't want a ride.

"God this stupid game."She said and I frowned at her anger look.

I guess she's playing a game. I thought she was texting someone. She looked at me and smiled.

"Okay, So I found out they want some singers at the theaters for the round up of the years."I nod as she moved her curly long hair away from her cheeks.

"And I signed you up. Because honestlyyourvoiceisamazingandiwouldvedonethesametoo!"She said quickly which made me flinch.

"Woah, calm down,"I said as she chuckles rolling her eyes.

"I said honestly your voice is amazing and I would've done the same too. Because I would show off my voice and sing hours and hours."I rolled my eyes and sat on a bench.

"I mean it's alright, but you know I have bad anxiety right? My teeth are probably going to clutch together."She laughed and then sighed.

"So you don't mind performing."I shook my head and she gave me a wink.

"You're going to rock."I rolled my eyes and looked at my phone.

"Oh my!"I looked up and stared at Mary which made me turn to see my friends with Olivia.

I gulped feeling sick again. I couldn't feel myself breathing and my thoughts wondered off feeling chocked.

"I...I know. Hey, I'll be back. I'm going to go check if they have my new book. You can get to class...before the bell rings."She nods confusingly and I got up with my bag.

I took my phone and walked feeling something bad in my gut. The feeling of screams and tears. It's just all stuck in my head.

I shiver feeling the cold in me and I walked to the bathroom. I closed one of the stalls and hear the bell ring.

I felt my anxiety come through again and I took a deep breath. But it wouldn't work. I cover my mouth starting to cry. But make no sound.

Why would they hurt me that way? Weren't we friends? Didn't I help you? Why would you hurt me so bad?

Why is this all happening at once? It's at home and then at school. Like god isn't challenging me but wanting me to regret my sins. Or my life.

I don't want to go to class. I don't want to do anything. I want to run away and never come back. I just want to feel free.

I wiped my tears and got out looking at the mirror. I grab my makeup bag to fix my makeup and put it away. I looked at the mirror again put on a fake smile.

I walked quickly and made it to class since it was near. I held my breath and opened to walk inside. I sat in my chair and ready for whatever was coming at me.

:::::::

I sat alone during lunch and heard someone groan to see Jin with a cut lip. A few bruises on his forehead and a cut on his eyebrow, his left to be exact.

"What...what happened to you!"

"Some kids were being dicks. I fought them and now I don't have to worry about them."He smirked and I went into my bag to grab a small Heath kit.

It's a red small pouch, I got out and went next to him. I sat down and pulled his chin slowly with the pouch.

"I would smack you in the head right now, but it's not the time,"I said as he rolled his eyes.

"Stay still,"I ordered him and took out a pack of alcohol wipes.

I open and clean the few blood screams. I bit my lip. This is scary. Honestly, it looks like it hurts.

"Does it hurt?"I asked him and he shook his head clearing his throat.

I put a small bandage on them and put ointment on the bruises. I clean up and sadly look at him.

"Don't fight, or I'll tell your mother."

He crossed his arms like a five-year-old with a frown. He looked like a kid, it's cute. Wait, Astagfirallah!

"Fine."I chuckle and grab my bag putting my pouch back in.

"Who did you fight anyway?"I asked him and he stared at me.

"Do you know Mark? Tall, white, annoying kid?"I frown and shook my head.

"Okay, Whatever. Beat up him and his friends, they were trying to fight me. So I showed them."I looked at him shocked.

"Y...you can't just do that, it is wrong. Even if you hurt him because he was trying to fight you, it's just wrong."I sincerely say as he scoffed.

"Why? Is it because I could get in trouble? You know that won't happen."I shook my head.

"Because not only you will hurt him, but you'll also hurt yourself and his mother. In the future, you'll regret what you've done. What his mother feels is what your mother would feel if he did the same thing to you."I saw him open his mouth but I cut him.

"Yes you beat him up, but what if he beat you up. More than what he's caused your face. Don't be proud of what you did. Because what your happy about won't make you a better person."I said as he bit his lip.

"Your brother was right."I stare at him confused.

"You're very inspirational."

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