Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke, you said
"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."
"Are we going to talk about it?" Niall asked as soon as Blake had finally fallen asleep. I hadn't said a single word since we got back from my mum's, everything she said to me still floating around in my head.
"There isn't anything to talk about." I whispered, my voice hoarse. I placed the tip of my thumb on my lip, letting out little puffs of air from my nose as I tried to remain calm. I haven't cried in front of Niall often, and I'm not really planning on making it a daily occurance.
"Harry, don't keep it in."
"Why not? You do it all the time."
"Don't be like this. I'm trying to help."
"Well have you stopped to think that I don't need any help? I'm fine Niall, I'm fucking fabulous right now." I let out a bitter laugh, not caring that I was taking all my frustrations out on him. I tended to do this when I was upset, I forgot who exactly the angels were and who my demons decided to take form of. At this moment in time, it seemed like Niall was one of my inner demons.
"Cut the act."
"Why? Don't you do the same?"
"Stop making this about me." Niall sounded irritated, his arms crossing over his chest as he looked at me from hall.
"It's different now isn't it? Being on the opposite side of everything. Now you know what it fucking feels like to be kept in the dark about secrets. It's not fun is it?"
"Stop being an asshole Harry."
"Why? It's who I fucking am." Niall let out a sigh before walking over to the couch. He sat down on the coffee table in front of me, his eyes cold and his face sad.
"The Harry I fell in love with isn't an asshole."
"That's cause I'm pretty damn good at hiding it. You see I call it this wall of self defense, and you're just the unlucky bastard who got past it for a while."
"No, I want you to fucking see what it is you're getting yourself into. I understand why don't want to marry me Niall, I'm a fuck up. My mother blames me for my sister's death, hell I'm sure my own father did to. I can't have a stable relationship for the life of me, yet I have the nerve to say that I can keep you for forever. We're falling apart Niall, and it's my fucking fault." I finally broke down, letting the tears run freely as I let out a small sob.
"It's not your fault... Don't blame yourself for things you can't control." He whispered and I looked at him with tear filled eyes. He wasn't even looking at me, his eyes looking at the front door. He didn't have a smile on his face, and he looked like he too was about to cry...
"If it's not my fault then who's is it?"
"Mine mostly. I mean, I'm the one who can't seem to trust you. But then again you haven't exactly told me everything either."
"What did you expect?"
"Nothing really. We're just two fucked up people."
"Thanks for stating the obvious Sherlock." I let out a small laugh, hoping to at least earn a smile. He still wouldn't look at me...
"What are we even doing here Harry?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Well then shed some light on the subject, cause I seem to be the only one in the dark."
"Why... Why are we together?"
"I love you and last I checked you loved me too."
"But is that a good enough reason?"
"What... What are you saying?"
"I... I don't know. Sometimes I think it's best if we just... Go our seperate ways, ya know? But the thing is, I'm a selfish person who can't let you be happy. Harry, you're not happy here."
"What are you taking about? of course I'm happy." I sat up a little, looking at him like he was losing his mind.
"No you aren't and it's my fault. Have you ever thought about what your life would be like if we hadn't gotten together? Sometimes I feel like it would be better if we didn't happen." I slowly started to understand what he was getting at, the dread forming in my stomach and an overwhelming urge to puke began to rise.
"Don't. Don't you dare."
"I think we need to bre-" I jumped off the couch in an instant, grabbing his face in my hands as I forced him to look me in the eyes.
"Don't you even think about finishing that sentence. Niall fucking Horan if you finish that sentence my heart will literally break. I won't listen to you, I won't do it. I love you, I fucking love you. To the moon and back, hell even further than that. You're the one I want to be with until I'm old and grey, so don't you dare say what you're going to say." I practically begged, biting my lip as I finished. He just looked at me with sad eyes, that seemed to be the only emotion they held nowadays.
"I can't keep hurting you." He whispered, his hand resting on top of mine. He too was biting his lip, almost drawing blood from beneath his teeth.
"By doing what you're doing... That's hurting me more than anything else in this entire world. So please, for my sake... Don't even finish that sentence."
"I'm not good for you."
"Like I'm any better for you. You said it yourself earlier, we're both fucked up... but I think that's why we work. I love you, not much else to it."
"I love you too, even though it doesn't seem like it sometimes..."
"By you being here, that shows me enough."
"You haven't asked me for a while..." He whispered, stunning me for a moment as I tried to remember what exactly it was he was talking about. When it dawned on me, I gave him a small smile before getting down on one knee in front of him. I took one of his hands in mine, looking up at him.
"Niall James Horan, you are by far the worst and the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I don't care. So to hell with traditons cause baby we aren't traditional... You know I was serious when I said I wanted to marry you...." He bit his lip again, a small smile appearing on the corners of his lips.
"I know you were..."
"So what do you say about getting married right now? We can fly to Vegas... Drive thru wedding, I've heard those have a high success rate."
"Is that your way of asking me to marry you?"
"Yeah baby, it is."
"Then what are we waiting for?"
My favorite chapter.
I don't know actually.
Oh well. New cover :) and a new one on Shiver tooooooo.
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Burning Up (n.h. + h.s.)(Sequel to Shiver)(Book Two)Fanfiction
-| just because you win the battle, doesn't mean you've won the war|- "You know... I was serious when I said I was going to marry you." "I know." "Then why don't we go get married right now? We can fly to Vegas... Drive thru wedding. I've heard th...