Chapter 40

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- Caspar's POV -

I sat on my bed, and leaned forward, arching my back so my chin could rest on my hands. 

Joe's words repeated themself over and over in my head, "You don't know me."

My mind flashed back to my last session with Doctor Anderson.


"I hate to say it, but Joe thinks you're a bother."

"W-What?" I stammered. Joe was still only talking bad about me?

"He said he could never love someone as immature and annoying as you. He said he doesn't like anything about you. He hates that he has to pretty much take care of you. He wishes you would leave him alone. He doesn't love, let alone like you Caspar."

I blinked back tears, "I'm not giving up."

Doctor Anderson laughed pitifully, "Joe didn't even give up. He never cared enough to begin with. Your relationship is a joke to him. He doesn't care about you."

"I'm going to be strong. I won't give up."

"The stronger you act, the bigger you'll break. Don't let Joe tear you to pieces to Caspar. Listen though, you can call me any time." 

My mind was numb as Doctor Anderson slipped a piece of paper into my pocket. I couldn't listen to what Joe thought of me anymore.

I walked out of the room. It felt like it was pouring hail. Not literal hail. But it felt like sharp shards of frozen raindrops stabbing my soul. Stabbing my heart. And as the hail melted, the water was drowning me. There was nothing but pain.

-flashback end-

I reached my hand into my pocket, and felt the slip of paper between my fingers. I pulled it out.


My instinct was to heal the pain the same way I had before. WIth a knife. Instead I first dialed the number into my phone. It rang four times.


"I don't know what to do without Joe." I whispered, saying it more to myself than to Doctor Anderson. My flesh itching for me to give my mind relief with painful tactics.

"Let me help you."

I was in no mood to decline. I was willing to try anything to heal. I made a small sound, that wasn't destinctable as a word.

"I went home already, so you can come to my house." He spat out the address, "See you there." He said before hanging up.

I went out the door, without telling Joe I was leaving. Doctor Anderson's house was only about ten mintues away.

I rang the doorbell anxiously. I felt nervous for some odd reason.

The door opened. I stared into his eyes. His plain brown eyes. They were more thoughtful than dull though.

"You came," He almost sounded surprised.

"I... I guess so?" I was half surprised myself. I was starting to think this was a bad idea.

A smile creeped up his face, "Come in." His hand rested on my back as I stepped in past him. He didn't remove his hand even as we started walking.

I thought Joe was clean compared to me, but Doctor Anderson's house was spotless.

"You live alone?" I asked.

"Yeah." He answered, while I was still looking around his house. 

"My bedroom might be more cozy to talk in." 

He Loves Me... Not? || Jaspar Fanfic (Caspar lee x Joe Sugg)Read this story for FREE!