Chapter 2- his longing

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"I miss your smiles that held a thousand secrets. I miss your warmth when you briefly brushed your arm against mine. I miss your voice that made me smile in secret. I miss the way you fight, like you were born to be the warrior that you are. I miss the way you skipped on the rocks over the river. I miss the way you're always kind to children. I miss the way you used to hold Lan Yuan. Most of all, I miss the way you breathed life into my existence.

Wei Ying, is the afterlife a dark place as they say it is? Are you scared? What am I saying of course you're not. You would've made the darkness your domain there too my warrior prince. I wish you would step down from there as there is a mortal awaiting your presence. Will you come back? Do you ever think about me?

All those days and months wasted! When I could've spent them in your presence listening to the ringing of your laughter. I regret not being by your side when you needed someone. Oh how I regret pushing you away when you came closer and now my arms ache to hold you. The heavens know I have been praying for your safe return! But you never came.

Most of all, I regret not being strong enough to keep them from hurting you and robbing your smile. I wish I could capture the twinkle in your eyes and lock it away in a safe chest, so that only the ones worthy will be privy to that treasure.

I want to show you the songs I can play in the zither. I want to show you the waterfall tucked away behind the cloud recess library. I want to read you poetry and tell you stories. I want to show you my mother's garden. I want to show you the collection of swords in the library pavilion, which I know you will love. I want to give you the entire world and everything good in it. Come back."

Wei Ying used both his palms to muffle the sound of the big ugly sobs that were coming out. He scrunched up both his eyebrows trying to make the pain in his heart go away. Why? Why hadn't Lan Zhan said anything? Even after four years of marriage.

Five days later Lan Zhan arrived back in the cloud recess after taking care of everything. He declined the offer to have tea with his brother to go meet his husband. 5 days was long enough, he absolutely was not willing to part another second from Wei Ying. His steps were hurried but he still managed to look elegant. He found his husband sitting on the front porch of the cottage with a forlorn look in his face. That was not his Wei Ying! What has happened? Did someone say something to him?

With the softest tone he could muster, he called "Wei ying". Wei Wuxian snapped his neck towards the direction of the voice. He stood up staring at Lan Zhan with an unreadable expression. He leaned towards his husband's face and capture those soft mellow lips. Lan Zhan's hands found themselves wound around Wei Ying's waist. Lan Zhan was surprised by the kiss. Wei Ying kissed like he fought... strong, intense and all consuming.

This kiss was different. Softer. Slower. And heart melting. Lan Zhan lost himself to it until Wei Ying pulled away but not moving away. He simply touched his husband's lips with his and breathed in the scent of sandalwood. They both stayed in the moment suspended in time while a warm summer breeze ruffled their hair.

Wei Ying looked up. He looked like a dream. Hair ruffled beautifully from the wind and with a smile on his lips. But his eyes, oh his eyes held a thousand emotions in them.

"Why are you looking at me like that Wei Ying?"
"I just missed you. And I have something for you."

Before Lan Zhan could enquire what they were, Wei Ying pulled him into the cottage. He asked Lan Zhan to sit on a pillow before retrieving a book. On the cover it read –By the moon lake.

"Poetry?" "I realized that you have never read me poetry. You're my husband of four years and my lover. Does it make sense that you haven't read me poetry?" Lan Zhan chuckled slightly before pulling Wei Ying into his arms along with the book. He picked one and started reading.

Wei Ying lost himself to his thoughts 'Lan Zhan, I am here now. Everything you have ever wanted to do, I will make sure they happen.' Lan Zhan does not need to know that he found the letters, for now.

No more longing my love.

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