"No, I don't want you there. There is no need for the Alpha to meet both of us for such a terrible reason," I say with as much certainty as I can place behind my words.
Nodding his head, we are left in silence. Taking up my place on his shoulder, we stare out in front of us with no intention of speaking. His heartbeat is just above steady and by the way he is breathing, I know he's trying to calm it. He doesn't want to clue me in on what he's feeling. What can I say against that? It's what I would do if the roles were reversed.
The terrible thing about losing both your parents young is that you develop a stronger bond to your siblings. You know what they are thinking even if they don't. It hurts them because it's their right to feel their feelings. It hurts you because you know the truth. The one they won't say for the sake of the feelings you feel.
He doesn't think he can do this on his own. If I get kicked out, he doesn't think he can be here alone. The sad thing, at least for me, is that I know he can. He is still developing his reputation, the identity others see. This place will allow him to develop to be the best version of himself. Our sector was too small town for that. If it's family he feels like he needs, Ever and Zeke can give that to him despite not being close now. If I leave, I know they will take it upon themselves to be that person even if I don't ask.
"So are we not going to talk about what happened?" Julius asks fueled by anger.
Leaning back, I look into his eyes and find myself genuinely surprised by the fire that rages behind his blue spheres. It's unbelievable that he would be mad at me. Mad at how I reacted. I scootch myself away from him so I can collect myself before I attempted to explain a situation to him that I'm not even sure how it occured.
"What do you want me to say?" I spit out, harsher than I ever wanted to talk to Julius, "That I'm a slut? That I had this coming? My habits led me here? Because your right!"
Catching teardrops in my hands as they steam roll down my face as hot as my boiling blood, I continue.
"I'm stupid! So stupid. And so weak!" My stomach contracts rapidly as my breath becomes more hazardous and the water falling from my eyes are a monsune. "For letting Theo in so easily. For needing someone rather than trying to be by myself. I have constantly needed someone since Dad died and Mom gave up. So weak that I needed someone even if just for a night. Zeke, Cyrus, Goddess Cyrus!"
My voice hiccups as I repeat his name like my body needs to reject it from my vocabulary
"I was stupid to think that Cyrus would just let me go. He's a tumor to my life! Just when I think I'm in remission, he comes back and I'm stage four." I fall back into the grass, throwing my arms over my face to hide myself before I continue. "I thought I was this strong person who had survived years of mental, burrading abuse. Not to mention physical abuse. I've always been determined to be better than the person they tried to make me. I thought I was making something of myself. Something respectable. But things that should have been my mine, my own vices are being used against me. Used to make me feel like there's nothing left of myself. That I am exactly the person they wanted me to be."
I quickly sit up, throwing my hands up in disbelief, "And why shouldn't they? All of this," I wave my arms frantically "The torment. The embarrassment. The anger... I don't know myself. They've broken everything I am like I'm glass. Ripped me to shreds like paper. Now I have to change myself. How do you change things that have been embedded into your essence? I'm lost. And the only thing I do know is that I'm a slut!"
"Don't say that," Julius begs in a whispered tone as he wipes the water from my cheeks. I shake my head to refute him but he stops me, "You will rise up! Tower above everyone else like a skyscraper."
"But I'm broken," I argue.
"No, you're under construction," he corrects.
Staring at his deadly serious eyes, I can't help but laugh. Julius stands up from the ground and shakes himself off, grass floating off of him. He extends both hands for me to take, their warm like always and it's something I can always rely on.
"It's time to go," he says once I'm on my feet. All I do is nod my head and begin to walk out of the forest.
*I will be posting another chapter tomorrow night— 16,17,&18 need to be side by side*
This was a difficult chapter to write because I reflected my own person problems with having to edit my personality.
I also took the liberty to test out some different styles of writing.
Anyone else love this sweet moment between August and Julius.
Does anyone agree with August and her actions led her to this? That she deserved this?
What do you think will happen with the Alpha?
Comment below with you reactions, I love hearing from you guys.
*Make sure to follow me so you can be up to date on when chapters come out.*
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The Alpha's ArmyWerewolf
War is Coming! August is one of the strongest wolves in her pack sector, as she should be after years of mental and physical abuse from almost everyone. It has never broken her but fueled her fire. When the Alpha announces that an army will be crea...