Chapter 39

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[Hey everyone! I know it has been a long time since I have updated and I am so sorry. I had so much to do and college does not make it any easier. I am trying to write every day as much as I can but please do understand that writing one chapter could take up to two hours and just imagine you have to do that with six other stories... I just hope you guys will understand! By the 60 votes, there will be a new chapter!]


I ran as fast as I could and stabbed the demon that blocked my way. I gasped when I felt a demon grabbing me and the whole environment disappeared in front of my eyes. I let out an annoyed sigh and looked at my big brother who looked at me worried. We had been training for four hours straight but I hadn't had enough of it. It was the only way how I could let my emotions out.

Since Alec and I had an argument we didn't talk. We were not going on the same missions anymore. It just felt like we were done before we even started. He was trying to avoid me and it totally worked out because I haven't seen him in weeks anymore. I could feel through our parabatai bond that it has weakened. I can't sense him anymore or feel him and it made me sick. It made me sick having the thought of losing Alec.

"What?" I asked annoyed while gasping. I was totally out of breath and I could feel the sweat dripping off me. Jace walked closer to me and yanked the seraph blade out of my hand. I looked at him in confusion and I could feel my anger boiling inside of me. What the hell was wrong with him?

"If that demon was real, you would have been dead." Jace said annoyed and I shrugged. I couldn't care less if I would stay alive or dead. Jace looked now even angrier than before and I mentally made myself ready for his lecture.

"You want to die? Go and do it! GO ON!" Jace started to scream. I jumped a bit by his response and I started to feel afraid. I had never seen him angry like this. His whole voice was echoing throughout the whole training room. I just looked startled at Jace and stayed quiet. I could see that he was hurt to see me like this. I was fed up of it as well and I did not even have an idea why I was acting this way. I think I was just hurt because of Alec...

"Jace..." I whispered. Jace looked down and I heard him sob slightly. He had been trying to get me to smile but nothing worked. It was a matter of time when he would burst out of anger or sadness. Jace looked at me with his eyes full of tears. It made my heart ache and I walked up to him - and hugged him.

"I am sorry." I said softly. I felt my brother's hands covering my back and holding me tight. He buried his face in my neck and nodded. I sighed and closed my eyes. I was a horrible sister. He did not deserve this at all...

"I know how it feels like when you love someone so much and can't have control over it," Jace whispered and looked at me with his red, swollen eyes. I bit my underlip to prevent myself from crying and looked down whilst I nodded my head. I had no control over the love I had for Alec. I wanted to love and hate him at the same time but that was not even possible, was it?

"But it will get better, Clary... Alec loves you. Since he has met you. He has this glance of happiness in his eyes. You have changed him and made him feel things he never allowed himself to feel... He will come around." Jace said as he brought my chin up with his fingers. I looked with tears in my eyes at Jace and hugged him as tight as I could.

"I don't like this feeling either, Jace. I am done feeling this way." I sobbed and everything I had said to Alec came back to me. My mundane life was without any problems. I wasn't afraid of someone trying to kill me. I was safe and sound...

"I understand it, Clary..." He said softly and I unravelled myself from the hug - and looked at him. I shook my hand whilst I held his hand tight.

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