You Have 86,400 Seconds To Find Me

Chapter One

   Hey, Max
   I figured you would be getting to my house around this time. I recorded this video earlier today and programmed it to auto-send itself at this time. I hope you check your e-mail. I left the screen unlocked for you.
   Good luck.
   Macy

  Good luck?
   I click on the link to the video and press play. The first thing I see is wet pavement. There are no puddles to jump in, but the road is wet enough to suggest it had rained a few hours earlier.
   That's weird.
   It definitely hasn't rained today.
   Suddenly, the camera spins around and focuses in on Macy. She is wearing a black T-shirt and her favorite stripped grey and white cardigan. Her light auburn hair is down, with one clip holding her bangs back, out of her crystal clear blue eyes. Her eyeliner and mascara is smudged. It looks like she's been crying.
   "Hey, Max. It's Macy," she begins, her voice sounding shaky and uneven. "I mean, duh. Obviously it's Macy, I'm sure you've figured that out by now, right?"
   My stomach sinks to the floor and my palms begin to sweat. Something about this doesn't feel right. Where the hell is she? Why isn't she here in her bed like she's supposed to be? This video was sent ten minutes ago, but clearly it was recorded long before that.
   It hasn't rained here in over a week.
   "Max, I have something that I need to tell you," Macy pauses. "Actually, I have many things that I need to tell you," she continues, looking down at her feet and lifting one hand up to the bridge of her nose, like she's trying not to cry again. "Max, I ran away," Macy says, raising her eyes up to the camera, like she's looking right at me.
   All the air in my lungs releases and suddenly it's like I can't breathe.
  Fuck, Macy.
"I ran away because I just can't live like this anymore. My Mom is always at work, my Dad is dead and I feel like I've just been living my entire life alone. I feel like," Macy stops talking and looks away, taking a shuddering breath. Then, she looks back to the camera and whispers, "I just feel like no one in this world actually loves me, Max. I feel like I'm nothing but a waste of oxygen. A fucking waste of space, and that no one would even notice if I were to just disappear forever. Did anyone even ask you where I was at school today?" She asks, pausing for a moment, almost as if she's waiting for me to answer.
   "No," I say, even though I know there's no way she could actually hear me.
   "Of course not," Macy chuckles bitterly, like the idea that someone could possibly notice her absence is the biggest joke of all. "That's because I really only have one true friend, Max. I only have one person who truly cares about me. One person who noticed my absence right away. One person who took the time to walk all the way to my house after school, just to make sure that I was safe. To make sure that I was okay, tucked in my bed, taken care of."
   Macy is crying now. Big fat teardrops are trailing down her cheeks and I am completely fucking helpless. There's nothing I can fucking do to stop them because she's not here, and I have no idea where the fuck she is or even how long she's been gone for!
   "It's you, Max." Macy whispers through her tears, and my heart completely shatters.
   It's me.
   I haven't seen Macy cry like this since her Father's funeral. I would give fucking anything to be able to do what I did for her that day. I want to reach through the fucking screen and touch her hair, push it over her shoulder and pull her into me. Fuck, I want to hold her. I want to tell her how much I fucking need her, how important she is to me. I want to make all of her pain go away.
   "My Mom never even come home last night, Max!" Macy yells into the camera, moving her hand quickly through the air like she always does when she talks. "She didn't even bother to call and let her daughter know that she wasn't going to be coming home. She didn't even care enough to check in on me or make sure I ate dinner. She has no fucking idea that I've been gone since eleven-o-clock last night."
  What the fuck?
   Macy has been gone since last night?
   I texted her just after nine and she seemed fine to me! She was acting perfectly normal! There were no signs in her behavior to suggest that something like this had been bubbling below the surface.
   How the fuck did I let this happen?
   "Max, do you wanna play a game?" Macy, asks, looking up at me through the lens, her scorching blue eyes piercing a whole straight through my heart. Macy has always loved playing games. Hangman, Chutes and Ladders, Truth or Dare. Whenever I would come over after school, she always managed to somehow talk me into playing a game.

   "Anything for you, Mace," I said, out of habit, knowing she still couldn't hear me.

   "Old habit's die hard, Max. This isn't your ordinary game," she said, scaring me with the tone of her voice and how tired she sounded. She didn't look like the Macy I knew before today. That Macy was happy, that Macy loved life and loved to laugh and play Chess and kick my ass at Battle Ship. This was... This was scary. I was scared for Macy.

   "Max, I programmed my phone to send you a video every hour, and in each video, I have left you a clue that should help you find me. There should be twenty four videos total. You remember that book you made me read freshman year, Max? That one by Jay Asher?"

   Thirteen Reasons Why, I thought. Automatically seeing exactly where this was headed, because I knew Macy, my best friend, better than I knew anyone in the world. I knew that she was not going to come out and say what she was planning to do. She didn't have to, she knew I would understand.

Thirteen Reasons Why is a book I made Macy read freshman year. In the book, the main character Clay receives thirteen videocassettes from a girl in his class after she committed suicide.

   Macy was going to kill herself.

   "Max, I have been struggling with this ever since my Dad died... maybe even before my Dad died. I just can't... be happy. I've tried. Some days I feel better and I think things will work out somehow, but then I'll be home alone at night and I'll just get lonely. I can't get my brain to turn off. It's like there's so much going on that I have to run and get away. I know that ever since the accident, you have told me repeatedly to call you if I ever felt that way," Macy said, twirling her hair around her finger, trying to hold in all the emotion I could tell was threatening to swallow her whole. "But, Max, I couldn't. I was afraid. I was afraid that you wouldn't want me in your life if you knew how crazy I was. I was afraid that you would get sick of me and my problems and that you would just cut me out of your life... I couldn't let that happen."

   Macy was afraid of losing me? Seriously? How could that be? Didn't she know that she could call me whenever and I would be right there in a heartbeat? Didn't she know that I would do everything I could to make her happy, to see her smile? Isn't that what you did for best friends? How could I have let her feel this badly about herself? How could I have made her feel like I could ever just walk away?

   "I'm sorry, Max," Macy said. "I'm so so sorry for never calling. I know you would have been there for me. I shouldn't have held all of this in until now, but I did. I know I should have told you all of this. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm not going to be like Hannah, in the book. I'm giving you some fair warning here. I'm giving you twenty four hours to find me. I'm not doing this thing until tomorrow night at seven, just after the sun goes down."

   So this is like some sort of scavenger hunt? Was she fucking joking? She couldn't be this stupid, could she? What if I couldn't find her? What if I failed?

   "Maxy," Macy whispered, her voice so soft, I almost didn't hear her. "I know, I've never told you this, but I need you. I need you, Max. You're the only one who can find me. You're the only one who knows how. You know me. I know you do. I wouldn't have put this on you if I thought you couldn't handle it. I just... I need proof. I need solid concrete proof that someone out there loves me enough to come find me, something I can cling to when times get rough. Look, all I know is that I need your arms around me... I don't wanna die, Max. I'm not this girl. I just... I feel like there's no way out. I need to do something."

   I felt like my stomach had lifted itself up and now sat directly in the middle of my esophagus. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I felt as though the lavender walls in Macy's room were closing in on me, ready to summon me to some alternate universe where everything was not how it seemed to be.

   "I'm giving you four hours to go home, get what you need and get on the road. The first video should arrive at seven, sharp. After that you have twenty four hours to find me. That's 86,400 seconds. I've wasted so much time not letting you see the real me. I don't want to waste any more."

   Four hours? What?

   "I swear Max, if you find me I will go to therapy. I will do whatever it takes to make myself better. I know this is insane... Max, I'm scared. I'm terrified. Find me. Please, please find me, Max." Macy then reached forward to turn the camera off, but then as if she remembered something, she looked back at the lens and said, "Oh, and Max? Take a good look around my room before you leave... Something's missing." And just like that the video ended and Macy was gone.