It was a rainy night for me. This type of weather is actually one of my favorite kasi I feel so cozy with my thick soft blanket that's embracing me, a mug of hot coffee and with the chill playlist on spotify that's playing right now.
I was casually typing words on my laptop trying to come up with some ideas that I can use for our research paper. Pasahan na kasi namin sa monday, although I want to enjoy the vibe marami pa akong kailangan gawin at tapusin.
It still annoys me though na ako lang sa group namin ang gumagawa nito when in fact it's a group work so it needs a group effort pero bakit ako lang ang gumagawa?
Hindi ako masipag. Sadyang ayoko lang bumagsak sa PR1 namin. I'm not even the group leader. Ugh, that asshole na puro pag landi lang alam at walang naitulong sa group namin. Dapat sa mga ganyang tao ay binabagsak. Mga pabigat at puro pabuhat lang ang alam.
Lumipas ang segundo at minuto na puro pag-iisip ang ginagawa ko. I need to finish this. I need to pass. 'yan ay ilan lamang sa mga salitang paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa aking sarili.
My groupmates didn't even dare opening our groupchat, fucking hate these type of people.
My mind was debating kung matatapos ko ba 'to ngayong gabi o hindi. "ugh I can't do this!!" I shouted, obviously frustrated for doing our research paper alone.
So instead of continuously doing our paper and getting frustrated, I stopped and decided to resume it tomorrow. Sana matapos ko na 'to bukas cause if not pupuntahan ko talaga sa bahay 'yong leader naming napakalandi.
To gain my mood back, nakinig nalang ako sa Ben&Ben songs. I really love their songs cause the lyrics are just so powerful. I admire how they put their thoughts into words and deliver it through a song. Some can be painful yet beautiful one.
Ride home is one of their songs that really hypes me up. The beat, lyrics and everything? It's influential. Pero there are songs na sobrang sakit, napapaisip at napapaiyak nalang talaga ako.
Sometimes I feel na sad songs are just like our life, humans. If you'll keep believing that it's a sad and lonely song, you'll just feel blue. Pero if you try to unravel the real meaning of the song, doon mo malalaman na it's not that droopy. It's just trying to tell us na we should see the beautiful thing in the ugliest happenings in our lives.
That no matter how down you're feeling, there's always a light and hope. Ito 'yong lagi kong nararamdaman whenever I listen to Ben&Ben songs. Nagfa-fangirl na naman ako.
I wonder how it feels to be part of the crowd, I mean, waving my hands, jumping while banging my head and singing all together? I want to experience those too. I bet it'd be amazing.