ninety

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chapter 90
"supernova,"

I met Brian on the boulevard.
surrounded by city lights,
a cloud of red danced on his eyes.

something was in the air
and it made my stomach tie
in the best way possible
because I was right next to him.

when he smiled, tears stung my eyes.
emotional confusion overcame me
like a tidal wave
and the only thing i knew how to do
was to stand there and smile.

inside, I felt butterflies kissing me.
I was thousands of miles from where
I came from. but when he held my hands,
familiarity embraced me.
and I felt like he was my home.

even those nights I'd spend dreaming
about him, only him
I knew that I belonged with him.

and even when the sky went dark
and the street lights poured through
my window i still dreamt. I never stopped.

all of my life
I have been searching for my home.
stars died into dust
and I was broken

until a supernova erupted
in January
and it shot hope throughout my veins.

I was still broken, I was still learning.
and even after I met amazing people -
I still couldn't ever fully have a home.

I began to accept it.
the idealisation of home
is a myth, maybe
I am only meant to dance
in all of my dreams.

and then finally,
wrapped in hope and fear,
I boarded the plane
that would take me to
a place where everything was okay.

or at least somewhere
that made pretending easy.

and I am so happy that happened
because it all lead me
to that night on the boulevard
when Brian met me.

and I came home.

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