The Silence Between Us ✓

[14] I Wanna Be Adored

VIA

I was lying on my bed again. My mum had gone past my bedroom door at least five times – helicopter mum activated – but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe I'd actually told him. So, OK the words didn't literally come out of my mouth (they couldn't so I don't think that counted for anything) but I had actually told him. Why had I told him?

Saying my brain was going on overdrive at this point would be an overstatement – I was tossing and turning, trying to figure out why telling him was such a good idea. What if he didn't believe me? Uh, I was just being stupid – he hugged me after all! It was because I had never told anyone before, I decided, that was why it felt so weird. Nobody except obviously me and Harrison knew of the arrangement and that was why I couldn't bear to think about the fact that now someone else knew. I trusted Noah – I had no idea why after all this time I finally did – but my head told me adamantly that he wouldn't tell anybody. What was the issue then?

XXX

I decided that, for once, I was slightly happy to go to Biology the next day; after all, I'd basically got a front seat to a massive bust-up between the mean girls. Ok, so it wasn't going to be that exciting, but honestly, I pinned it as a highlight anyway, mainly because I didn't have much else to look forward to. And after Noah being a bit strange at break, it was my only highlight. I desperately hoped that it wasn't because of The Harrison Thing, but I secretly knew it had to be – it's not like anything else had been revealed like that yesterday for him to be like this today. I didn't want to bring it up in any case, so I just left him to do his thing and pretended not to notice. I had Biology to look forward to anyway.

I resumed my seat at the back of the class as I always did, knowing all too well that I was undoubtedly making this into a much bigger thing than it needed to be – it wasn't like they were just going to start maliciously fighting in the middle of class. The most I was probably going to get was them giving each other the cold shoulder (lots of hair flipping for maximum effect).

"I'm not speaking to you." Mackenzie said as soon Katie came into the room. It seemed I was the only one that found it ironic as the tension in the room was suddenly palpable. Nobody dared make a sound and Katie suddenly stopped right at the door wide eyed. Mackenzie gave her a fake sweet smile and then went to take her books out with her ridiculously long gel nails.

Katie slowly came over, walking gently as if literally on egg shells. She looked tired – no doubt this had been going on longer than just in school hours – the bags under her eyes actually made me feel slightly sympathetic. Not that my sympathy meant anything, but I did feel sorry for her; Mackenzie was genuinely being a bitch.

"Fine." She muttered, rolling her eyes and walking over to us. Was she really going to sit next to her after all that? It seemed I wasn't the only one that found this interesting – the whole class' eyes were on her posture as she strode past the front desks and what? I expected, as you would, that she was going to brave Mackenzie, but she didn't stop next to her desk. No, she's coming over to mine.

My brain was finally following a pattern by going into overdrive yet again. What was this? Whenever I someone else approaches me, it's like I don't know how to act, and my mind is telling me all about how it wants to end itself. I held my breath nervously and cursed myself for being this way in front of people that aren't my family, Elliot and now Noah. I smiled at the thought of Noah and Katie smiled back. Shit.

Was that a good thing? Did Katie just smile at me? I know this sounds stupid and strange, but because I nobody really... well... noticed me in lessons, I subliminally thought that the whole arrangement was like watching a trash teen show – I never even considered myself a main character in this rubbish high school drama for at least five hours of the day and that was what made this whole situation even worse.