Chapter Forty Two

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Brianna's point of view:

It has been a week and three days and still i couldn't get rid of those feelings. I really wanted Malik to marry me. However, I was sure that this wasn't on his mind. He showed all the the signs that he was happy with what we have. I couldn't even tell him about how I feel.

Over that week, Malik took great care of me. Never missing a chance to spoil me. Never doing anything to anger me. He even cooked for me. He rented an apartment for few days until he finds somewhere for us to go. Back to traveling and walking around, I guess. I couldn't blamw him though. It was safer.

"Brianna, lunch is ready," he announced and I smiled and walked to him. He looked at me  and then kissed my cheek. I smiled and kissed his in return. He carried me to the table and we started eating. Over the last few days, I have learned to ignore how I feel. Well, it wasn't a complete successes as I distant myself every now and then but overall it was good. I started eating with a smile as the food was good.

"Thanks babe, the food is awesome," I said and he smiled. He looked at me and nodded with a smile. He seemed to have something on his mind.

"You ok?!" I asked and he nodded and smiled. He kissed my forehead and then stood up and left to his room. I gave him a weird look but then went to my room. I didn't know what was wrong with him. I sighed and then left to my room also. I sat on the bed and switched on the TV. I kept looking for something nice to watch until I found Twilight. I kept it on and started watching. Time passes and I found my door being opened. I looked at Malik and he smiled at me. He sat next to me and pulled me in his arms.

"You okay?!" I asked turning my attention to him. He nodded but he fixed his eyes on me. I looked at him with a smile trying to assure him that he didn't have to say anything and that I wasn't sad or mad or whatever. He smiled at me and then put his head in my neck.

"Baby, do you want to tell me anything?!" he asked and I looked at him. I shock my head although I knew I had something to tell him.

"You sure?!" he asked and I nodded. He looked at me and then nodded himself and then we watched the movie together. Did he know that I wanted him to marry me?!

"I have," he said and I turned my attention to him again.

"I have something to tell you," He said and I looked at him waiting for him to talk.

"Look, I will tell you tomorrow, let's just cuddle for now," he said and I nodded. He smiled and I smiled back as we were in each other's arms. That made everything on my mind disappear. At times like those I wished to stay that way forever. I didn't need more or less, but at other times I really wished to be more.

"Babe?!" he called

"Yes?!" I replied.

"Why were you distant?!" he asked and I gulped.

"What are you talking about?!" I asked. I knew damn well what he was talking about but I couldn't tell him.

"You already know. We both know that you are distancing yourself. Not physically, but emotionally," he said and I just shrugged.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I am sorry," I said. It made me feel better that I apologized.

"Don't apologize if you don't know what I am talking about and I am not saying that for an apology. I just want to know why. Did I do something wrong?!" he asked and that made me want to cry. I felt bad for staying away from my love for some stupid feelings that gained me nothing.

"I didn't mean to do that. I am sorry. I didn't know that you will be hurt," I said with a smile. He smiled back and then said, "Of course I will be baby girl. I love you and I want you to stay by my side both physically and emotionally, as desperate as that sounds I am ready to breath you every single day. Don't just distance yourself again. Tell me what makes you sad and I will fix it immediately. I want you to trust me. If something is bothering you. I have to know in order to fix it."

That made me feel really guilty. Guilt ate me up. I was really selfish. I kept thinking about what I wanted us to be and forgot what both of us needed. I am a really bad girlfriend. Emotions were all we had at that moment. They were all what held us together and I distanced myself using them. That was awful. We would have fallen apart if I didn't have Malik as a boyfriend.

Any other person would have let me be and just left. That way I would have lost everything instead of gaining one thing. Geez I was so stupid. I was the stupidest ever. I used something that I have in a really bad way. What was I thinking?

"I will, baby. I was just down. I didn't want to be a burden on you. You practically do everything for me and I do nothing, so I just felt bad and I couldn't know how to just show you that I love you the way you show me that you love me," I lied. I still wouldn't tell him that I wanted to marry him. That would be really awkward.

"Don't worry about that, baby. I don't want you to do things. Just staying is enough. I know how hard it is to stay with a killer, so I am not asking for more just yet," he said and hugged me. I smiled and put my head on his chest feeling way better. He was the reason of my sadness and the one who fixed it. He was the problem and the solution. At least now I know that I can go to him whenever and where ever.

"I love you, Malik," I said and he smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Won't you say it back?!" I asked after sometime.

"Where's the point?! You know I do," he said and I smiled and nodded and kissed his cheek.

"True," I said and giggled. I was still on his lap with his arms around me. And let me say that this is how we stayed the whole day.

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