The Sergeants Gal (Bucky Barnes)

Nightmares

"You've been disappointing me 414, I didn't train you to fail." My handler walked into my chamber.

"Sir? I thought I had been doing well in my training." I stood up from my chair discarding the file I was reading.

"You have been doing well," he said "but well doesn't mean great. I need great."

"I'll try harder sir."

"You will be better, there is no trying. You must succeed." He pulled out a whip from behind him. "In position 414."

I nodded and got into position grabbing the metal bars.

His arm raised and I braced for impact.

——

I sat up shaking. 'You're fine. You're free. ' I tried to remind myself.

"Liv?" Bucky grumbled sitting up. "What happened? Are you okay?" He noticed my breathing was shaky and got worried. "Are you hurt?"

I shook my head. "No... I didn't mean to wake you. Sorry." I pulled the blankets off and rushed off toward the bathroom

"Wait, where are you going ?" Bucky got out of bed but I closed the bathroom door before he got there.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep." I called out through the door.

My head was pounding and I just needed to breathe. It was just a nightmare. Except it wasn't. It was real. I close my eyes but all I see is the years of torture and memory wipes. I shake my thoughts away and start to undress. Maybe a bath will help.

I start to fill the tub and I'm quickly in the warm water trying to put myself together. I lean my head back on the edge of the tub and close my eyes. Just breathe.

—
"Why don't you ever learn 414?!" My handler yelled as he dunked my face in the water for the hundredth time it felt.

"I'm trying!" I cried out when he pulled me back up.

"Try harder!" He yelled doing it again.

I tried to push myself back up. "No!" I yelled succeeding and pushing him away. "No!" I yelled again.

"Restrain her. Wipe her. " he spoke to the guards.

"Wait- no! I'm sorry! I'll try again!" I struggled with the guards as they dragged me back to the god damned chair.

—

I gasped jumping slightly as I awoke again in the cold bath water.

"Liv? Are you okay?" I heard Bucky's ' voice through the door.

I couldn't bring myself to answer. I sighed and sunk into the water letting myself be completely submerged. I was feeling myself be relaxed by the quiet when I felt arms pull me up.

"What the hell!" I groaned pulling away.

"What were you doing?!"

"Taking a bath. What are you doing in here?"

"You weren't answering! I got worried and came to find you underwater! I thought maybe something happened I don't know." He blushed and looked away.

"What-" I looked down and realized I wasn't exactly dressed. I grabbed a towel for the rack and wrapped it around myself before stepping out of the water. "Sorry, I just... I needed to calm down."

"What's going on?" He asked turning back to me. "You seemed upset." His hand reached up to tuck a wet strand of hair behind my ear.

"I've just been getting some new memories of when I was at hydra... the punishments..." I shrugged looking down.

"You mean the torture?" He scoffed pulling me into his chest. "I'm sorry, I remember what that's like. I wish I could be more helpful."

"You're plenty helpful.." I mumbled into his chest. "Thank you for checking on me."

"I'll always be here for you." He squeezed me softly. "Lets head back to bed." He smiled dropping his arms from around me. "I'll grab you a shirt." He walked back into the room.

Bucky has offered up his room to me but I said I'd only take it if he stayed. He tried to change my mind but I didn't. I knew if I took it he'd just end up sleeping in the hallway, I couldn't do that to him. So for the past week I had been spending most my time secluded in his room trying to remember everything. Had it worked? No. I haven't remembered anything aside from some images here and there but nothing big.

Bucky walked back in holding one of his t-shirts and offering it to me. I smiled softly, "thank you." Even though tony had gotten me my own wardrobe I still liked to wear Bucky's ' shirts. They were oddly comforting.

I took the shirt and dropped the towel as I pulled it over myself.

Bucky was staring at the wall as if it was the most interesting thing In the room.

I smiled softly to myself, such a gentleman.

I walked back into the room rubbing my arms.

"I can turn the heater on if you're cold." Bucky said.

I shook my head. "I'll live."

He nods. "okay, just let me know."

I nodded and crawled back into bed. I stared at the ceiling hoping the nightmares would stop.

I felt the bed dip next to me as Bucky climbed in. "goodnight."

"Night." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tried to will myself into good thoughts but there weren't any. I looked over and saw James back to me, I bit my lip and rolled over wrapping my arms around his back. "is this okay?" I asked.

He took a shaky breath. "more than okay."  He fixed himself and wrapped an arm around me pulling me closer.

I pressed my ear to his chest focusing on his heartbeat. Eventually my eyes fluttered closed and I fell asleep.