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"you got me doin' what you want me to, baby why ya' wanna let go"


December 28th.

I can feel that something has shifted between Harry and I since Christmas day, and the technicolor lense I see him through now has my insides knotting themselves together.

I almost don't know how to act around him now, I'm nervous around him. I get giddy whenever he walks in the room, and everything about him just looks so different now.

Harrys noticed the shift in my behaviour, asking if I was okay, saying he was worried that everything that happened between Dylan and what I admitted to him about my diet not being strictly vaginas anymore was taking a toll on me.

No Harry, you're taking a toll on me.

I don't think I've even processed the all the other stuff yet, I'm not sure if it's hit me entirely.

I always shut the bar for the time between Christmas and new year's, usually needing the break by the end of the year, so I've been enjoying the time we've been spending together watching movies and being dickheads together.

Harry and I spent the last two days setting up his room, getting his bed up those stairs was a fucking ordeal and we both nearly fell down them several times trying to haul those boxes and mattresses up there.

I'm starting to think his bed was useless now though, he's made a habit of sneaking into my bed through the night but I can't find myself being anything but over the moon about it.

I had all of Dylan's things packed and put out in the hall within a day, it's not like she had much here anyway seeing as she was barely here, but I was a woman on a mission getting that shit out of my home.

Well, it's our home now, Harry and I's, and that notion has me smiling to myself like a dumbass randomly throughout the day.

I rang Finn, the day after Christmas, deciding his present was telling him I left Dylan.

When I told him he hung up on me, which confused the shit out of me until I heard banging at my door half an hour later.

When I opened it, Finn was standing there, panting, looking ready to explode with a megawatt grin, holding up two bottles of tequila and yelling at the top of his lungs throwing his head back.

"Get ready bitches! We're making fucking margaritas! We're celebrating!"

That was a messy night, but I think even Finn noticed the change in Harry and I's relationship, he kept giving us cheeky smiles and sly comments and looking at Harry like they both knew a secret I was unaware of.

I find myself waking up everyday looking forward to it now, looking forward to seeing Harry curled up next to me when I open my eyes.

Jesus I feel like a teenager all over again.

Today however, he wasn't there when I woke up, and once I managed to wake myself up properly and drag myself out of bed, wondering where he'd gotten off to, I was stopped in my tracks when I opened the door and heard Harrys voice from the loungeroom.

He sounded upset, a mix of stressed and angry but I know him well enough to pick up on the sadness in his voice as well.

I stay in my doorway, not knowing if I should be hearing this conversation or not, but I can't help myself.

"I don't know what else you want me to do! I'm trying!" he snaps and I frown, I have no idea who he'd be talking to like that.

"I'm not a bank! I send you as much as I can - no stop saying its my fault, I didn't abandon you"

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