Kylo Ren | Reader Inserts

Valentine's Day

A/N: A little fun "drabble" for Valentine's Day that I seriously wrote last minute... Anyway, imagine the entire universe celebrates the holiday! Enjoy!

• ❤️ •

The First Order dining hall had filled up with stormtroopers and officers for dinner, nearly every seat being taken. For once, after being married for a few months to the Supreme Leader, you had joined the Knights of Ren at their usual table. Normally, you spent your meals with your husband, rather than with the rest of the crew. Of course, with a man like Kylo Ren, he had the bad habit of disappearing for hours on end.

Today was one of those days.

"Mrs. Ren," one of the Knights bowed their head as they eyed you.

"It's a surprise seeing you here with us," another spoke as you let out a small sigh, settling in on the second to last spot available in the table fit for eight.

"Well, your lovely Master has been nowhere in sight and I decided to not starve and eat without him," you explained as the Knight's—now helmet-less—exchanged looks without you noticing. "He hasn't answered on the comlink we share, nor his holopad! It's Valentine's Day and you don't just disappear on your wife!" Throwing your hands in the air with emphasis, you sighed. "And no one seems to know where the hell that bucket brain is..."

Watching you eat your food, the six Knights all looked at one another with shrugs. They had known something you didn't, but you were oblivious as ever.

Feeling the table shift as a tray was nearly slammed before you, your eyebrows narrowed as you lifted your focus. Confusion struck your facial features as a random technician sat before you, tousled blond hair and silver rimmed glasses that took up half of their face. They wore a smug look on their face, as if sitting with the Knights of Ren and the Supreme Leader's wife was a milestone achievement.

"Uhh..." Clearing your throat as the man—who was named Matt, according to his silver name tag—stared directly at you. "May I help you?"

Keeping his eyes locked on you, a small smirk grew on his lips. "I saw Kylo Ren in the shower."

Growing wide eyed as you leaned back, the Knight's all held in a laugh as the one to your left nearly snorted. "Kylo Ren shared a shower with you?" They asked as you gasped. "I didn't know he was—"

"What! You're lying!" You interjected.

"He's shredded, have you seen his eight pack?" Matt asked you as he kept his eyes focused on you as you blinked.

"Well... he's built like a fridge, I don't know about an eight pack..." One of the Knights spoke up, but you were much too in shock to acknowledge their comment.

"He's big. I've seen him." Matt nodded as your eyes widened.

"Who— What are you—" Choking on your words, you leaned in. "My husband has been missing all day—"

"Now we know why!" A Knight shouted as you loudly grunted.

"Shut up!" You snapped, pointing a finger at the Knights before looking back at Matt. "Stop staring at me like that!" Furrowing your eyebrows as you looked down to quickly finish your food, wanting nothing more than to find Kylo, Matt spoke up.

"Have you seen his lightsaber? It's big—"

Choking on your food as one of the Knights patted your back, you coughed. "Wh—"

"It'd probably make you choke just like you did now—"

Jumping to your feet in disgust, you rushed out of the dining hall, leaving a trail of smoke behind.

"Master..." One of the Knights spoke, "are you trying to give your wife a heart attack?"

Sighing, Kylo looked over at them. "You six said she'd like this and it's not working," he growled as the Knights collectively shrugged.

"Maybe it's what you said, you made it seem like you were cheating on her with some blond guy." The Knight pointed as Kylo shook his head. "Although... I don't know how she hasn't noticed it's you. Your hair is sticking out."

"I think you should surprise her in your quarters," another Knight said. "Show her your fridge body and prove that your lightsaber is big," they sniggered as Kylo glared at them.

"That's a good idea, maybe she'll choke like you said," one of the Knights laughed as Kylo stood up and adjusted his wig.

"This is an awful Valentine's Day gift. This is the last time I'm asking you six for help," Kylo snarled.

"That's what you said last Valentine's Day!" The Knights yelled in unison as Kylo left their sight.

Storming around the ship, searching every possible room you could've, your patience began wearing thin. You checked the training rooms, the command bridge, different control rooms and the throne room... yet Kylo was nowhere to be found. You knew Kylo wasn't the best at Valentine's Day, always surprising you in odd ways each time, so you held onto the hope that this was that.

After hours of searching, now with aching feet and slump shoulders, you stumbled into your shared living quarters. Kicking off your shoes and aiming for your bedroom, unzipping and shrugging off your attire, you shrieked at the sight before you.

"Hello—"

"Why are you— How did you get in here?!" You exclaimed, spotting the same blonde from earlier, nude with just your husband's helmet covering his hips. "Wh—"

"Love, it's—"

Watching the man stand up as he held the helmet, you quickly pulled the blaster that was strapped to your thigh, aiming it. "I have had enough of your creepiness!"

"Whoa! Hey! There's no need to—"

"I am married! I am not interested!" You spat.

"It's me! It's— Lower the blaster! Don't aim it at my dick! Stop that!" Kylo yelled in a panicky tone as you placed your finger on the trigger. "It's me! It's your husband! I was— Dammit, don't shoot my dick off!"

"Are you obsessed with me or something?!" You cried out, tightening your grip around the blaster.

"No! What?! I'm your husband for Force sake! It's me!" He pointed at himself. "Stop aiming that damn thing at me!" With a wave of his hand, the blaster instantly flew from your grip as you gasped. "It's me! It's me!" Taking a step forward, you gasped again as he approached you, instantly swinging your fist and slamming it against his nose. "Kriff!"

"Stay away from m—"

"Bantha fodder!" Hunching forward as his nose dripped with blood, the wig and glasses fell off, presenting a head of black hair. "I am not doing that ever again!"

Standing there with a racing heart, eyes wide, you watched as he stood straight and wiped the blood and makeup from his face, presenting the scar. "Oh..."

"Oh?! You almost broke my nose!" Kylo squealed as you frowned. "How did you not know it was me?!"

"I— I had a very long day trying to figure out where you were, okay! I didn't... You were being creepy! You kept staring at me and saying weird things about Kylo— About yourself!" You defended, rushing up to him and tilting his head back as you guided him to the refresher. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Was this your Valentine's Day surprise?"

"Not anymore..." He groaned as you sat him on the closed toilet, helmet still in his grip as you carefully wiped the excess blood away. "I regret teaching you how to punch so well..."

"I'm sorry..." You frowned, eyeing him as you cleaned off the makeup he used to hide his scar. "Were the Knights going along with it?"

"Yes..." Sighing, Kylo looked at you, "Did you at least find it hot?"

Standing there in silence for a moment, you then nodded. "After realizing it was you, yes..."

Grinning, Kylo then lowered your hands, "Then can we start all over?"

Smiling, you nodded. "Maybe you can show me how big Kylo's lightsaber really is..."

Standing to his feet, Kylo discarded his helmet to a side before tossing you over his shoulder. "It'll have you choking."