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I down another glass of scotch as I wait for Hazel to show up. Paul has just texted me and told me he had picked her up.

She should be here any minute.

I hope she likes the gift I gave her.

I don't know what I was thinking, I'm trying to make her hate me but yet I can't help but want to see her smile.

We're bad for each other.

Toxic even.

She'd break me if I let her in.

And I'd hurt her.

It's just who I am, no matter how much I try. I always screw up.

And I don't want to see her hurting.

What is wrong with me?

This feeling stirring inside was new and I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

I'm not supposed to have feelings. Im not supposed to show my emotions. Im not supposed to be vulnerable.

Not again.

I can't handle it.

I can't let someone in.

And even though I'm trying so hard, she just won't leave my head. She's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep.

I know she carries a lot of baggage, but hell I do too.

She has a son.

I have a blood sucking career.

She had a rough childhood.

I have a secret that I refuse to let out.

But it's so close to breaking through. I can't let it out. Everyone's opinions would change of me. I have to keep my reputation the way it is; clean, and pristine.

Everybody knows that I sleep around, but my business ethic is one to be desired. And that's what I can't lose. And I know I would.

That's why my secret has to remain inside.

All I have is my company. I don't have room for anything else.

I don't know why I'm wasting my time waiting and searching for her. I can't want her. I want to, but I can't.

"Hey man, you finally showed up to one of these huh?" Jordyn, my best friend asks.

I turn my attention on him as he claps a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I didn't have much of a choice. I'm having some problems with the investors."

Jordyn raises an eyebrow before taking a sip of his drink.

"Just say the word man, you know I'd be willing to help out"

I shake my head without a second thought.

"No. I don't need your help J. I can handle it myself."

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