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So far it was going on a good two weeks since I've been here. I wasn't doing so good. I was getting sick real bad and I felt my body changing. Most days I couldn't make it out of bed. It was the most pain I felt in a long time.

Just laying in the bed sweating tossing and turning I felt myself about to vomit so I leaned over the bed to aim in the bucket next to my bed.
Once I finish I looked up to see Alice looking down at me.
"You're doing good." She said taking a seat on her bed.
"I feel horrible I can't do this." I said laying down back on my side. Beginning to scratch.
"You are doing good. There is no need to back out now. You came here to get better and I know you want better I can see it. But get up out that bed and go shower and get dress you got some clothes over there in that bag. There is a tooth brush and everything else. You have twenty minutes to get ready so you can have breakfast."

I deep down felt like shit but I knew I had to get my life together. I needed to get clean and I needed to get my daughter back. So I got you out the bed to get ready for breakfast. When I was finished we walked down to the dinning area. Where others were already sitting enjoying pancakes and eggs with orange juice.
We sat at a table with another lady that looked so familiar to me but I couldn't figure out if I knew her or not.
"Is that you veronica?" The lady said standing up and walking towards me.
Yeah." I looked closer and I knew exactly who she was. Her name was Desinty she and I were close friends and when we were addicts together. She and I would be together all the time but it's been a while since I've seen her. She looked great too.
"Destiny how yall know each other?" Alice asked.
"Alice we used to be in these streets together. We we're two peas in a pot." Destiny replied.
I sat there picking at my food still not saying anything just listening.

"So this is where you been I thought something bad happens to you." I said.
"V, after I got arrested for stealing I just felt like shit was getting old and I didn't want to live that life anymore so I came here. Now what about you?"
"Well alot has changed. Honestly I'm done with them drugs I'm just ready to get my life back.
"I hear you. That's good you heard from Nana?" Destiny asked.
"Who's nana?" Alice asked.
"That's my daughter. And she and I haven't still spoke I think I really pushed her away for good."
"Look just focus on getting healthy again and maybe then you can work on getting back on good terms with Nana. She will come around."
"Your right."

After breakfast it was time for our early moring meeting. We all gathered in this room with chairs in a circle. I sat down between Alice and Destiny.
When the meeting was about to start this lady came and sat in the cicle. She wore a suit with open toes heels. She had a nice brown skin complexion. She had her hair in a neat bun. After she took a seat she looked my direction.
"Good monring everyone I hope everyone is havimg a good morning. I see a new face in the circle. Introduce yourself." She said.
"Hello everyone I'm Veronica and I'm a drug addict." I said.
"Hey Veronica." Everyone said in unity.
"Well Veronica I'm MS.Walker. It's a pleasure of you to join us."
"Thank You."
"Well since your new how about you tell us what brought you here?"
"Well the same reason I started drugs was the reason I stopped."
"Well tell us what that reason was."
"My ex boyfriend. Honeslty I don't want to seem crazy by saying this but I was in a relationship with a man who was killed and after he died I went into depression and I started dating one of his friemds Ronny. Ronny was my abusive ex who got me hooked on drugs it tore my relationship with my daughter apart. After I found out that his body was found dead in a alley way I went back into depression and I was getting high more than ever. Now the friend that I was dating before Ronny is named Mister and he is also the father of my only child Nana. And one day I seen and him. I was scared and I was confused caused he was supposed to be dead and I just assumed I lost my mind so I knew it was time to get real help."
"Wow that's crazy so do you think your still crazy?"
"I don't know."
"It's okay to speak your mind here there is no judgement."
"I want him to be alive so I can have my old life back. I want it to be true so I won't feel crazy or insane but I know I buried him. And he's gone so I know it will never be the same."
"He is alive in your heart and I know you'll get through this."
"I really hope so."

For the rest of the day we did group activities we did individual conseling. I wasn't a huge fan of having people in my business so I was not too intrested.

Since everyone felt like I had alot of pain I was given a grief counselor. Mine was a petite light skin lady she had freckles and she had pretty hazel eyes. She wore a white blouse with a black pencil skirt. She had her hair nicely curled.

We sat in silence for a few before either of us spoke.

Then finally she spoke. "Veronica I'm Lisa. I'm here to help you get through the grief." Lisa explained.
"Well how was things before your daughter's father passed?"
"Lovely." I replied sarcastically.
"Okay what changed for you?"
"Look a one word response isn't gonna fix anything and it's only gonna make it harder for you to get better."
"Do you think me sitting her talking to you telling you about my problems is gonna help?"
"This is the chance to clear your head so you can focus on getting clean."
"What if I don't want to talk?"
"Then you can leave my office and come back when your ready. But just know your not gonna get cleaning with alot on your mind. It's only gonna make you want to do drugs more."
"Oh so you know everything?"
"Never said that. Look veronica I'm just here to help."
"I honestly have nothing else to lose. I lost my daughter I lost the love of my life I lost my mind I have no money I have no family I have absolutely nothing left."
"Look I promise you if you give this program all you have you'll get your happiness back. You just have to want it."
"I hear You."

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