Chapter 52.

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"I'm okay when I'm not by myself
I'm alright if you stick with me
And if you notice I start actin' strange
It's only 'cause I don't know how to explain"

***

It took me a good hour to settle Harry, and even though my mind was still reeling, all I was focused on was helping him feel better.

I eventually coaxed him into the shower, finding it ironic how the tables had turned there when I was the one using it to make him more comfortable, just like he did with me.

I helped him undress, getting out of his sweat pants and briefs, before undressing myself. Taking his hand and leading him into the shower to wash away all the sweat and stress from what he just went through.

I washed him just like he urged me to the first time we showered, taking my time and being attentive, offering him small kisses and encouragement where I could.

There was nothing sexual about it this time, it was just for comfort and to be close to each other.

It made me feel even worse for him, I missed that cheeky dimpled smirk, his crude behaviour that he would usually have, because he just looked so sad, and also embarrassed which I quickly tried to will out of him, telling him anything I could to reassure him that I was there and this was okay.

By the time we finished in the shower, his mood had perked up a little bit, he pouted childishly when I put his shirt back on, trying to tell me he'd feel better if I was naked.

It's so bizarre thinking of how anxious those comments from him use to make me, and now I just find them endearing.

We ended up getting back into bed, I asked if he was comfortable taking a nap, seeing as we had both only had a couple hours sleep, or if he was worried about another nightmare, to which he told me that it usually would only happen once of night if it happens at all, and he'd be fine.

I feel like my brain is busting at the seams with how much it's taken on these last few weeks, all of the information mixing together and getting confused and I still can't make sense of what to focus on, but at the moment all I'm focused on is him not going through something like that again.

It's not like I'm short on time to process everything, I told Harry I wasn't going anywhere and I meant it, we can just take it as it comes.

We ended up sleeping till after midday, dragging ourselves out of bed after laying lazily contorted around each other, stealing kisses and wiping the sleepy haze from our eyes.

It almost felt like the hours before were a dream with how different things felt when we woke up, but the lamp in pieces on the ground was a stark reminder that it did happen.

I tried to reassure Harry over that too, he seemed angry and ashamed of himself that he had done that in front of me, he said he's surprised I don't think he's some kind of freak, which I also quickly put a stop to and told him firmly I'd never think that of him.

He's definitely back to his old self because he immediately responded to that with saying that I think he's a freak in the sheets, and I told him through a fit of laughter to never make a joke that bad again.

Christ, I think I'm rubbing off on him, that sounded like something stupid I would have blurted out.

We ended up on the couch after we had some food, and I've never seen someone making pancakes look so captivating. I offered to cook them, but he demanded I sit and said I'd done enough for one day, and if I tried to argue I didn't get chocolate chips on them.

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